May 2012

New DoD Language Regulation Bans ‘Indecent Language’, Soldiers Fucking Pissed

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Military recruit training is known for changing the way servicemembers walk, talk, eat, and sleep, but all have not been equally enforced. Today however, the element of “talk” comes under increased scrutiny as the Department of Defense released new plans to set a military-wide language usage standard. The guidance from the Pentagon is [...]

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Terminal Lance Creator Revealed To Be Sergeant Major of Marine Corps

by G-Had

CAMP LEJEUNE, NC – Enlisted Marines everywhere were stunned this week after learning that the creator of enlisted-life comic strip Terminal Lance is actually former Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps Carlton Kent. The story broke after an alert data specialist at Camp Lejeune noticed that the IP address for the Terminal Lance website was actually the [...]

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Army Wife Re-enlists Husband Indefinitely With General Power of Attorney

by John "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" Mittle

Fayetteville, NC – True love is often hard to find, but SSG Thomas Blake doesn’t think so. Blake, a 27D Paralegal Specialist, recently met the “woman of his dreams” at a popular gentleman’s club and was married soon after. The honeymoon ended abruptly however, and now SSG Blake is committed to the Army indefinitely through [...]

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Delusional Intelligence Analyst Briefs Plan To Repel Invasion Of Westeros

by Tony

FORT HUACHUCA, AZ — Military intelligence analysts train for years — honing their skills, plotting over maps, and studying reference sources. But one analyst of the 309th Military Intelligence Battalion has recently blended his real-world military training with his fascination of the HBO series “Game of Thrones.” While it may seem surreal, it was nothing short of [...]

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The Dingo Ate Your Battalion: Marines in Australia Plagued by Wildlife Attacks

by G-Had

Darwin, Australia – The recent deployment of United States Marines to Australia was put on hold Monday, following revelations by the Marine Corps that the Commanding Officer from Fox Company, Second Battalion, Third Marines had been carried off by wild dingos in an incident over the weekend. The battalion was conducting training exercise VIGILANT KOALA, near Uluru in the [...]

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Army PFC Buys Ford Mustang After Deployment, Gets ‘Really Great Deal’

by Paul

Fort Bliss, TX – Most soldiers draw up lists of what they want to do when they get back from deployment overseas — from biting into a Big Mac to kissing their girl back home. For Private First Class Samuel Ramos, it was his dream to buy a new car. “I’ve never actually owned a [...]

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Fake Teen Navy SEAL Rescued In Yemen By Real Navy SEALs

by Pte Bloggins

SAN DIEGO, CA – Local teenager Travis Munroe is safe and back with his family today after being rescued by a platoon of Navy SEALs. Munroe, 17, was kidnapped months ago from his suburban home by an al Qaeda cell, and later shown in a terrorist propaganda video release out of Yemen. Army Colonel Giles Davies of United [...]

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Sergeant Major’s Heroism, Quick Thinking, Saves Entire Platoon From Certain Death

by Jay

BAGRAM AIR FIELD, AFGHANISTAN – Many leaders struggle to make a real impact on soldiers’ lives, but Command Sergeant Major Richard Widmark doesn’t have that problem. Widmark, assigned to 325th BSTB at Bagram Air Field, saved a platoon from certain death today after spotting a six-vehicle convoy returning from a security patrol. He immediately noticed one [...]

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