Navy Prospect Desperate To Avoid Sea Service, Recruiter Has Been ‘Big Help’ Jake the Rake May 16, 2012 Navy 45 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: SAN DIEGO, CA – 17 year-old Nathan Brottman wants to serve his country, and he’s got the perfect plan for how to do it – the Navy’s Delayed Entry Program (DEP). But Brottman has a problem — he’s deathly afraid of the water. “The DEP is actually pretty great,” says Brottman, “We meet one weekend a month and practice marching and saluting and stuff.” When asked why he had chosen to enlist in the United States Navy, he disclosed that the Marine Corps recruiter was at lunch, and the Navy Career Counselor next door invited him into the office. “He asked me why I wanted to join the Marine Corps and I told him I wanted to be a Sniper like in Call of Duty. He said that the Navy SEAL snipers were the best in the world, and pointed to the De-motivator poster behind his desk that talked about them shooting Somali pirates on Easter Sunday ftom the deck of a destroyer. Next thing I knew I was taking a practice ASVAB and peeing in a cup.” Brottman had some reservations about joining the Navy, but his recruiter assuaged his fears. “I told him I didn’t want to go on a ship, and he said that shouldn’t be a problem. I’m terrified of the water. He told me that Marines always have to go on ships because they ride them from place to place, but a lot of sailors these days get shore orders, and that I could become a SEABEE and do construction.” A week later his recruiter took him to Military Entrance Processing Command where he began his future in the Navy. “I didn’t do great on the ASVAB, but it turned out ok. I was eligible for the Undesignated Fireman program! The classifier at MEPS said that was good because I would become a striker and choose any rate I wanted. I figured a fireman would have to stay off the ship because they have to drive firetrucks and things like that. As long as I don’t have to go to a ship. I can’t swim.” But why not the Army? “My cousin was in the Army and he hated it. He said it sucked living in a tent in the desert. I asked the recruiter if we had to sleep in tents, and he said that sailors always slept in a berthing. I didn’t exactly understand the term but it sounded like it would be more comfortable.” With high school graduation a few weeks away, Brottman is looking forward to making the Navy a career. “I looked at the time in rate requirements and I’d be eligible to be a chief in 9 years! I think a chief fireman would be a cool job, like Robert De Niro in Backdraft.” RJ Adams says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM LOL, Chief Fireman. Hahahahahaha. Patricia Lyons says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Ummm, wow. This recruiter really did his job well! First, you have to at least be able to swim in the Navy well enough to float or survive in a bad situation. If you can’t swim then they have a bunch of asshole seals ready to at least try to teach you. They will be in his face the whole way and shoving him off of diving boards! Second, everyone gets to sleep either in a tent or simply out in the air and open if you are stuck someplace like Iraq, a desert, or some war torn area. They don’t discriminate between Navy, Army, or whateve just because of your preference. When you are in a situation like that, the services are combined together in a joint effort. They eat together, sleep together, wea the same uniforms, etc. The only difference is their job or rate and insignia. Third, fire fighters ARE ON THE SHIPS and out to sea! Who the hell does he suspect they use if the ship catches on fire? Is this guy serious? Dude get back to reality and quit fantasizing over action movies! because that is all they are a bunch of fairytales and fantasies! Justin Nash says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM LOL epic! Thomas O'Brien says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM LMBO! This is hillarious. Kevin Winters says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM I thought this was supposed to be a satire website. To the best of my knowledge that is pretty much how the Navy works. My only surprise was that the kid didn’t enlist in the aviation undesignated program. Philip Burrow says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Lol Ted Spencer says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM The author MUST have done a tour at Navy Recruiting District San Diego! Parody or not, there’s a lot here that’s way too accurate! Chris Perez says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Yay. The Navy will hire anybody just as much as they like to kick ‘em out. James Debolt says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM This guy is going straight to the ship to work on pipes and hoses my boy. Also if he tested poorly on the ASVAB and no common sense he will not make chief in 9 years and will also be kicked out either by PRT fails or PTS denial. Allen Everett Richards says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM This is pretty funny! Although it sounds a lot like my recruiter 40 years ago. He promised me an exciting career that would play out well in civilian life.. Next thing I know I had orders to report to Aviation Ordnance School. Tanjji Lai says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Love this site! Great way to get us laughing. George Runkle III says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM As funny as this story is, things like this happen. Back in the late Seventies I was enlisted on Ft. Dix and was on the parking lot outside my company, and some weird looking PVT came up and started talking to me. He was in the PCF and waiting on a bad discharge. He had gone AWOL from Basic Training, he’d joined the Army for 6 years as an 11B (Inftantry). I asked him if he knew what an 11B was, and he DIDN’T! He signed six years of his life away to live a life style he certainly couldn’t handle, and didn’t know. As much of a dumbass as he was, IMO the recruiter was just as guilty. He brought in to the Army a loser who was a drain on resources and sucked up time from everybody to throw him out. Ryan Hoefs says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM I don’t know if it’s sad that people think this site is real or sad that people like the one is this story exist by the thousands no doubt. Must be good writing either way. Brandon Stinson says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM there are too many idiots on this site. what is so hard to understand that it is satire. it’s called a military version of the onion. there are too many idiots on this site. what is so hard to understand that it is satire. it’s called a military version of the onion. Nick Steck says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM HAHAHAHAHA What a schmuck! If you cant get it in writing his word is as useful as a pile of dog shit, great job kid, this is real life not Call of Duty or some other bullshit war game. Have fun sitting on a carrier. Jim N Velma says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM This recruiter should be fired! Quotas today are so low that they do not need to mislead a prospect like this. I hope the CR reads this article and takes off a piece of that recruiters ass, and takes a round turn on this kid before he departs. There is more to preparing a DEP for boot camp that teaching him to march and salute. I was a recruiter in the 80′s & 90′s. I can proudly say I never had a single IG and all my recruits came back and thanked me for preparing them. I bet this recruiter can’s say the same…. Scott Thompson says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Another satisfied customer! Michael Henton says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM And so starts; Mail Bouy Watch, Overhead Buffer searches, procuring buckets of steam and sound powered phone batteries, and all sorts of other fun stuff. Rutledge Etheridge Jr says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Folks, The Duffel Bag is a comedy blog (not the best, but that can change) operated by a young man who just recently became a civilian again. Some of the articles are spot-on, and a few should be spotted on by the family dog, but really, read it for what it is, and you’ll get a few good laughs – and that is what is intended by the editor and contributors. Christopher Heydon says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM are these peoples comments serious are they really this retarded that they don’t see its a hoax comedy military siter fffs I should slap thier mothers for giving birth to such half witted children did she screw a deranged terrorist to have such stupid babies. Bill Moss says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Ya I have been out of the Navy since 1989, but I still get the Jokes THAT was so funny to read! Bret Clark says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM MARINES – My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment Sir. John Matczynski says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Ya I didn’t sleep in a tent in Iraq and I was in the Army. So good call kid. By the way have fun being a fire fighter on a carrier. IDIOT! Shaun Kane says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM How long is the average wait time for the average American rock to figure out that this is a well-written satire site? TDB must have a link on FOXNEWS.com to trick this many people at once. Brandon Mikula says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM So true on so many levels lol. Greg Wingerter says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Have fun pumping out bilges on your ship. Hope it’s a destroyer and you hit heavy seas. Isaiah Gehrke says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM I belive the joke is that firemen in the Navy are basically engineers. (That is the old school definition of fireman, from the age of steam locomotives.) The term you are looking for is FireFighters. Brandon Mayer says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM … hehe wow. Daniel Golding says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM I think I knew this kid in bootcamp. 20 years ago. Native Souldier says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Hahahahaha. They say choose your rate choose your fate. I say there is a lot of people going to hell. Native Souldier says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM By the way. Being a fireman is only the beginning. Engineering is the best department in the USN William Hanrahan says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM He joined the right service. God Bless Him, and God save the Navy. John Beach says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM (Being sarcastic) boy the Navy recruiter earned his pay on that one. Firemen drive fire trucks LMFAO!!!!!!! David A Ballot Sr says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM This guy has the same recruiter I had in 1974…how old is that dude, anyway? Edward Friedel says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM WHAT A RETARD. Santos Oyoque says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM This dumbass is about to be a DC MAN on a ship I was an UNDESIGNATED SN and my first orders were to a ship. guess what we do in bootcamp? We jump off of a tower into…..wait for it….. water! Daniel Barton says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM Again I don’t know what’s funnier the article…….or the folks who think its real….keep up the good work. Douglas Samson says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM welcome to the real world! Paul Atkins says: January 25, 2014 at 9:40 PM too funny wow he really thinks Fireman like a firefighter back home so funny engineering they wiil throw him in a division on board a ship. He should have done his homework. I started out as a Fireman recruit non designated and was placed in A division and was on a ship and did not drive fire trucks yes everyone fights fires on a ship. djdudley says: September 10, 2012 at 3:50 PM If the young recruit had any real brains he would have joined the Air Force, bu then again maybe we are too smart for him!! CPT RUSerious says: August 1, 2012 at 9:10 AM The scariest thing about a lot of the commenters on this site is that my vote carries the exact same weight as theirs… ~Squid says: May 17, 2012 at 3:54 PM @Geraldine – Just because you made coffee, filed paperwork, handed out motrin or messed up my pay does not qualify you make a judgement about real sea Sailors. Unless you actually did a few deployments in Deck (I’ll forgive your poor grammar in that case), DO NOT pass judgement on what it means to be UN-DES. PS~ I think your husband is calling you to refill his glass. Geraldine says: May 17, 2012 at 1:25 AM I really feel bad for this kid. Having served in the Navy and worked in several joint forces operations, I can’t beleive how mid-informed and misguided this poor boy is. In reality, living in San Diego, this kid couldn’t throw a stone without hitting a sailor or marine. If he was to talk to almost anyone with military experience they would be screaming at him to put the breaks on!!! Don’t do it! Negotiate a better enlistment contract or try another branch! Going Undesignated is the worst thing he can do. I really wish I could contact this kid directly and tell him a thing or two before he is miserable for the next four years. Also wish I could get ahold of his recruiter for doing him such a disservice. Recruiters like that make them all look bad!!!! ex-Bubblehead says: August 26, 2012 at 9:47 PM Uh, Geraldine……it’s not a real story, it’s satire. It just seems so real because there really are people that stupid.