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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Military recruit training is known for changing the way servicemembers walk, talk, eat, and sleep, but all have not been equally enforced. Today however, the element of “talk” comes under increased scrutiny as the Department of Defense released new plans to set a military-wide language usage standard.

The guidance from the Pentagon is for all branches to form doctrines of language use within the next six months. They left room to maneuver for each service, but there was one thing they were dead set on being standard across the board: No usage of profanity.

Profanity has been against regulations under General Article 134 for some time already, but has rarely seen troops held to the standard. Today’s change means the penalty for using “indecent language” is mandatory reduction in rank — and possible termination from service.

“We have been moving our way to a kinder and more professional military for some time now. Making ourselves into a good role model for the kids of this nation and to the world. This just seems like the next logical step,” said General Arnold Fucke, head of the Chaplain Corps. “The use of curse words has no place in the military. We should aspire to be better all around as soldiers and as people. I don’t see any reason why you need to curse to get that done.”

Beyond the loss of words considered profane, the military is also taking steps to ensure greater understanding of “military speak”.

All branches will be required to issue troops a “smart book” of common acronyms they may hear during their time in service. The books will mean extensive research of the estimated 6.2 million acronyms across the force in common usage. Meant to demystify obscure terminology, the ambitious $2.4 billion research and development proposal will outline such phrases as CEXC [Combined Explosives Exploitation Cell] to MANCOC [Maneuver Advanced Non-Commissioned Officer Course].

Most soldiers expressed disappointment over the profanity regulation.

“Are you fucking serious?” was a common refrain. Others were even more outraged.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” says First Sergeant Richard Pounder. “I can’t fucking cuss? The rest of my fucking NCO’s can’t fucking cuss? I can’t even begin to fucking imagine a fucking NCO corps that tries not to fucking cuss.”

“How the hell are we going to get our fucking points across to PVT Kenny J. Suckadick or all the rest of his little fucktard buddies if we can’t cuss? How the hell else are they going to know that we’re fucking serious, or fucking mad, or want it done right fucking now? This is bullshit!….. Wait a minute. Did I just fucking make myself an E-1?”

Some have said that they may try to tell General Fucke off, stating that this is a violation of a constitutional right to freedom of speech.

When asked whether soldiers were being robbed of the very rights they were fighting for, General Fucke was annoyed.

“Go to hell goddammit. This interview is over.”