Bin Laden Informant Jailed For Treason, Obama Retaliates, ‘Unfriends’ Pakistan on Facebook

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Washington D.C. – The White House released a “highly charged” letter of condemnation today in regards to the actions of the Pakistani government, after it was learned that Shakil Afridi was sentenced to thirty years in prison.

Afridi is considered by the U.S. to be a key informant that helped unlock the location of Osama bin Laden in Abottabad.

President Obama held a briefing from the White House press room to talk to reporters about the incident.

“I don’t know what kind of bullshit Middle Eastern haberdashery Pakistan is trying to pull, but the United States will not stand for it any longer.”

He went on to say that Pakistan should be “celebrating a national hero” instead of punishing Afridi.

President Obama then requested that the projection screen behind him be lowered so he could show the World “how the United States deals with frenemy nations such as this.”



After a few moments, the projector booted up to show the President’s desktop to the press pool. Obama then asked that they “close their eyes and look away” as he entered his username and password. After Windows booted up, he then clicked on Mozilla Firefox, which appeared to have his homepage set to duffelblog.wpengine.com, as some reporters noted.

The President then went to his favorites, and selected Facebook.

“Please Mr. President, we must not make rash judgments,” interrupted Cameron Munter, the U.S. Ambassador to Pakistan. “Please I beg of you, don’t do this.”

Obama ignored the comments of the ambassador and continued.

“This is the way you settle differences with a trolling idiot like Pakistan.”

With a few clicks, Obama unfriended Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari. At the time of this story, the action has received over 30,000 “likes” and 15,000 comments, which were mostly supportive.

Obama then went on to update his Facebook status and express his anger, telling Pakistan to “take out the trash in [their] own backyard.”

Pakistani diplomats later condemned the incident and called on Facebook, Inc. to implement an “Unlike” feature to express their outrage.

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John "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" Mittle

John Mittle is a former Army Medic with seven years experience. John's favorite APFT event is the thousand yard stare, and has a keen interest in attempting to draw the world's first perfect freehand circle. John often enjoys sitting on the back porch with his favorite drink the "Salty Dog" (double shot), listening to Scottish Bagpipes, while reading Duffel Blog articles.