Hello, I’m Chip Flightline with the Duffel Blog Radio News. Here are your top headlines around the military this week.
UNEMPLOYED ANTI-WAR PROTESTERS DEMAND SYRIAN INVASION
As unemployment figures show another rise in jobless claims, a crowd of anti-war protesters took to the streets last week in several major cities to demand a US invasion of Syria. Over 400 demonstrators took to New York’s Zucotti Park, chanting “One-two-three-four, we need to protest a war!” Others carried signs including “Just Bomb Someone!” and “Support Our Troops: Send Them Back.”
Spokesman for the group Gordon Vogel said the protester unemployment is due to the recession, increasing use of drone aircraft, and the election of President Obama.
Vogel said, “The day after [Obama] was elected, the money dried up. Everyone just assumed peace would break out. Now look at us: last year the United States was at war in five separate countries, but there wasn’t a single card-carrying anti-war protester on the streets!”
Vogel hopes that an invasion of Syria would mean more Americans donating to anti-war causes again, and therefore, put the anti-war crowd back in business.
PENTAGON PROPOSES CONTROVERSIAL POLICY ASSIGNING RANKS TO MILITARY SPOUSES
A new policy is being considered by the Department of Defense which would assign rank to spouses of military members.
The controversial measure which was announced this week is meant to address disputes and complaints. Problems would be handled between spouses instead of a dependents’ chain of command.
With a system of rank would also come legal doctrine — The Civilian Code of Spousal Justice — to mirror the military’s existing Uniform Code of Military Justice.
The policy discussion comes after a high-profile incident in which a Marine wife was not saluted as she entered her husband’s base, as well as a series of surveys conducted throughout the military to determine major issues plaguing the force. Many commanders described frustrating encounters with military spouses on “an almost daily basis.”
After establishing a focus group of twenty field grade officers, the idea of assigning military spouses’ rank was brought up by Major Alex Steen.
“This is a wonderful idea,” said Major Steen. “Many spouses already seem to act like they wear their sponsors’ rank, so why not just give it to them? This will allow spouses to pull rank when necessary so as to put out of line spouses in their respective place.”
Spouse ranks would begin with S-1 for Spouse Recruit and ascend to S-9, or Chief Master Spouse.
AIRMEN OFFERED FREE PICKUP ART CLASSES, STUDENTS ‘AIM HIGHER’ TO SCORE BABES
On the heels of what military officials are calling a series of “crash and burn” attempts by Airmen to hit on women at local bars, the Air Force is offering all personnel E-1 through E-6 a free course in the art of picking up women.
The course, titled “Aim Higher: How to Score 10s by Upping Your Game,” is a six-week program in which aspiring pickup artists learn the art of seduction. It is provided by the Air Force Services Agency (AFSVA) at several stateside and overseas military installations.
“This course is vital,” says Martha Fischer, “especially when you consider that our Airmen are on joint bases and have to compete with Marines. Those Jarheads are absolute pussy magnets [sic]. We have to give our boys the tools to succeed in that competitive environment.”
Dwayne “Dog Fight” Davidson is an “Aim Higher” instructor at Lackland Air Force Base. On a recent Friday night, he taught a classroom of Airmen the importance of jazzing up their jobs.
“You,” Dog Fight said, pointing to a student. “What do you do for a living?”
“I hook up refueling lines to F-15s,” the student said.
“Ennnh,” said Dog Fight. “You ‘provide security to F-15s being refueled under combat conditions.’ ‘Hooking up a refueling line’ might get you a hand job in a Chili’s parking lot, but ‘providing security to jets in combat’ will get you doing the forward leaning rest on a queen-size mattress.”
Air Force officials say that the class’s techniques are designed to work with all kinds of girls Airmen are likely to meet, including townies, HUA rats, cougars, and “dependapotami” with deployed husbands.
Other headlines at The Duffel Blog include
- Marine Recruits Used To Generate Power To San Diego, Solving California Energy Crisis
- Afghan Weapons Cache Sweep Uncovers Dinosaur Skeleton
- Gay Marines Protest Possibility Of Female Infantry
You can read the full stories from this update and many more only at DuffelBlog.com — that’s d-u-f-f-e-l-blog.com. Thanks for joining us and be sure to subscribe to the website and this podcast.
This has been Chip Flightline with the Duffel Blog Radio News.