‘Hurt Locker’ Team Hired By WikiLeaks To Produce Bradley Manning Biopic

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HOLLYWOOD, CA — Wikileaks announced today that they were producing a biopic about the “life, times, and struggles” of Private First Class Bradley Manning, with the help of Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal.

The leader of the controversial organization — known for leaking classified information — was happy to announce their agreements with the creative force behind The Hurt Locker.

The filmmaking duo just wrapped up a film about the hunt for bin laden called Zero Dark Thirty — partially based on intelligence briefs they received from the White House, set to be released later this year.

“We’re very happy to have both of them aboard and look forward to the film,” said Julian Assange, Wikileaks founder. “And we were really disappointed in the Obama administration. They pulled off the bin Laden raid and we had no idea. That’s the kind of oversight we’re trying to prevent.”

Assange says he fights for open information and access to secrets for everyone — although he refused to share his credit card number or email password.

“We’ve tried to be transparent [and give al Qaeda every advantage] with our intelligence dumps and having the U.S. eliminate Bin Laden was [simply unacceptable and] a great thing for the world. WikiLeaks continues to stress the importance of a more open [source of intelligence for terrorists] and just world.”

When pressed for further comment, Assange opened up — and changed the subject.

“We’re looking forward to what Mark and Kathryn can bring us in the way of public relations. The Bradley Manning story is one we feel needs to be told and Mark and Kathryn are just the ones to do it.”

Both Boal and Bigelow, although initially surprised by the offer, seemed to be on board with Wikileaks, regardless of the reason.



“We believe in Assange’s vision. Information should be open for the public to consume regardless of the consequences…or at least that’s what I learned at Oberlin College,” said Boal.

He went on to say that there wasn’t any real conflict of interests with the “military industrial complex.”

“I just kind of lucked out. I mean for godsakes, I wrote In the Valley of Elah. Did you even see that turd? Of course you haven’t! My career should be over, but for whatever reason, they trusted me.”

Kathryn Bigelow’s office issued a brief written statement regarding her new role within the WikiLeaks organization:

We are thrilled to be working with WikiLeaks and remain confident the integrity of information shared with us by the government will not be compromised. Our next film will detail the trials and emotional stress suffered by PFC Bradley Manning and his benefactor Mr. Assange.

Mr.Assange said that he feels a kinship with Manning.

“It’s good to see people willing to take the fall for our organization. Bradley Manning is a heroic young man. Any man who goes to jail when I don’t — is. The least I can do to repay his bravery is bankroll this film and make tons of money off it.”

The film is said to cover Manning’s life, from his awkward childhood, to his shy, awkward time as a Specialist at Ft. Huachuca, where he openly posted his daily routine on YouTube for millions to see, to his no doubt equally shy, awkward time lip syncing Lady Gaga, while downloading thousands of kilobytes of classified information for open dissemination, to the awkward moment in his court martial where his defense tried to claim that his confused sexual identity (referring to himself as “Breanna” and cross dressing) was somehow a precursor to his being a traitor.

Bigelow was mum on casting, but several big names such as Toby Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Paul Reubens are all being considered.

The filmmakers have not said whether Manning will be referenced as ”Breanna” in the film.

Tony

Tony is a soldier and veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan. Responsible for over 400 enemy kills, he has consistently "killed them with kindness".