CAMP PENDLETON, CA – San Francisco-based Semper Pink, the premier advocacy organization for gay infantry Marines, is once again rallying its supporters after an incident that took place in Camp Pendleton’s 62 area, and what some insiders are calling one of the most controversial cases involving an openly-gay Marine since the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
The organization has recently come to the defense of PFC Stefan Noor, 19, of Third Battalion, Fifth Marine Regiment.
“I can’t believe they fucked me raw like that,” says PFC Noor. “All I’ve heard from day one is how Marines never leave another Marine behind, yet everyone in my platoon decided to blue-falcon me on this one.”
Noor is referring to a recent event that involved him and the rest of his platoon, an incident that has caused a riff in the cohesion of the unit.
On November 12, 2012, Noor received an early morning text from his partner, Brian Pauly, in his hometown of Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, stating that he was leaving him [Noor] for another man.
“We’ve been together since our junior year of high school,” the distraught Noor adds. “Then this pseudo-Warhol character comes in the picture and tears him apart… I mean, tears him away from me. Seriously, how hard is it to stay loyal to your boyfriend over 1,500 miles away?”
Dealing with the pain of sudden heartache and utilizing past nude pictures sent by his ex, Noor employed common enlisted SOP and sent out a mass “Make ‘him’ famous” text to all the members of his unit—playing off the common “Make ‘her’ famous” text phenomenon. Because of the content in the text, it was the first known of its kind.
But while Noor had high hopes of the text making its rounds, his efforts proved futile—no one in his platoon forwarded the text.
“I’m sitting in my room, enjoying a beer after evening formation, and I get this text from Noor. I click on it and the next thing I know I’ve got a John Holmes-sized cock staring right at me,” says Lance Corporal Warren Secondine, a SAW-gunner in Noor’s fire-team. “I’ve already seen enough dicks to last me a lifetime, because of the nature of this job. But so help me god, my phone is my only foundation of a straight lifestyle, so the last thing I need is dude-pics on this thing. Delete, delete, delete.”
All of Noor’s platoon-mates concur with Secondine.
Sgt. Eric Dowd, Noor’s squad leader, added: “I’ve discussed the situation with Noor. He’s a good Marine. He wears his uniform fabulously, he dresses in proper libo attire, is well-groomed, is respectful, shows up to formation on time, and smells good… but he’s still a little young and naïve about how things work. Just because this DADT thing has been repealed, doesn’t mean you can go bombarding people’s inboxes with dick-pics.”
But Semper Pink says this excuse isn’t good enough.
“We’ve maintained from day one that ‘we keep our unit out of women, so keep women out of our unit.’ Lance Corporal Noor didn’t do anything wrong here,” says Gunnery Sergeant Derek Sorenson, a spokesman for Semper Pink. “We’re calling on all gay and breeder Marines alike to boycott PX’s, chow halls, and luxury areas of the 62 area of Camp Pendleton. Furthermore, we’re asking that all gay Marines stand in front of the Regimental Commander’s office and hold a kiss in, so we can show the DoD that our contribution to military sub-culture tradition is just as important as those of straight Marines.”
“For the last decade, gay Marines have quietly endured a barrage of female nude-pics showing up in their phones,” Sorenson adds. “Some have even forwarded the pics in a show of solidarity. Is asking a breeder to forward another man too much?”
As the controversy builds, PFC Noor continues to take the most non-confrontational approach: “Look, I just wanted to humiliate that asshole. He hurt me. He may have been my lover, but I love the men I serve with… and they left me hanging like my ex’s… uh, nevermind.”