Monthly Archives

January 2013

Change Of Command Ceremony Dissolves Into Giant Orgy

FORT BLISS, TX - A change of command ceremony recently ended in a disgusting and repulsive mess of semen and fecal matter, sources confirmed today. Over two hundred soldiers were present and forced to stand in formation for several hours…

Rogue Sailor Leads Army of Retribution Through Yemen

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Days after violent riots swept Yemen and brought death and destruction on a scale that would dwarf the Syrian uprising, grainy YouTube videos and frantic phone calls have caught the watchful eye of Pentagon officials.…

Soldier Fights For, Gives Up American Freedoms

SWAINSBORO, GA - Friends and relatives praised PFC Brian Malloy today for his commitment to fight for America's freedoms, apparently unaware that he himself has given up those same freedoms, report sources from a recent family barbecue.…

Garrison Sergeant Major Swears He Really Wants to Deploy

FORT MEADE, MD – Sergeant Major Billie Fulbright, a 28-year veteran of the United States Army, assures personnel at the base that he “really want to deploy” in the near future. Despite serving in the military during a time that saw combat…

Afghanistan Declared Gun-Free Zone

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN – Following the latest green-on-blue attacks, Afghan President Hamid Karzai has formally announced today that the entire nation of Afghanistan had been declared a gun-free zone. "After over thirty years of senseless…