STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – Editors of the popular military news website The Duffel Blog reacted with anger today after Wikileaks released records, photos, and the minutes of TDB meetings to multiple news outlets.
The released file, “Drunk men in their pajamas making fun of people with difficult jobs.docx,” revealed embarrassing internal details of the writing and editing process of TDB articles.
11:10 AM. Paul enters the boardroom visibly drunk. Drew says he is late. Paul says “Fuck yourself, this is my website, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Make sure you log out of the Duffel Blog page so it stops saying ‘The Duffel Blog likes this!’”
“Actually,” Drew said, “I don’t have access to the Facebook page.”
“Actually you’re a little bitch,” Paul said.
“Uhh, I misplaced them,” G-Had replies. “Anyone have any good ideas?”
“Glow belts,” Stormtrooper said.
“We haven’t made fun of the SEALs for about two or three days,” Dirty said.
“Has it been that long?” Army J asked. “Get on that.”
11:45 AM. “I just got an email,” Paul said. “OMG Duffelblog you guys are so funny! Publish my article ‘Navy r Faggits!’”
“Tell him we don’t do true stories,” John Mittle said.
“I disagree,” Ron said before returning to his pile of impossibly hot women.
12:10 PM. The writers discuss their favorite porn stars.
12:30 PM. “Hey,” Army Dave said, “Did you hear about the Marine at Lejeune who got caught fucking dogs?”
“That’s a great idea!” Dark Laughter said. “Is that an article you’re working on?”
“Uh, no,” Army Dave said. “That actually happened.”
“Damn,” Dark Laughter said. “How are we going to top that?”
1:00 PM. “Oh sweet,” Jack Mandaville said. “Check out the comments on my article, I got six people to fall for it.
“Wow,” Drew said, “That’s a lot.”
1:15 PM. “Listen to this,” Paul said, looking at his laptop. “I just got this email. ‘Hi Duffel Blog, I’m a Vietnam veteran and I just found your site. I haven’t laughed this hard in years. You guys are awesome, keep up the good work.’”
The writers give a hearty cheer and raised their glasses to celebrate a job well done.
The leaked documents include more transcripts of writer meetings, passwords, and photos showing various writers funneling beers, drinking shots, and drawing dicks on the faces of writers who had apparently passed out.