Marine Corps Struggles To Keep Up With Massive Influx Of Female Volunteers For Infantry
QUANTICO, VA — Marine Corps officials confirmed Monday they were having a difficult time keeping up with the thousands of females applying to the Infantry Officer Course, with some speculating on possibly hiring additional staff to keep up.
“Ever since Panetta ended the ban on women in combat, they’ve been signing up like crazy,” said Captain James Kirkpatrick, a spokesman for the Marine Corps. “It started with only a couple, but now it’s just gone into the thousands.”
Long before the camouflage ceiling was struck down by Panetta, the Marine Corps had been experimenting with its Infantry Officer Course, allowing female volunteers to try out the training.
The course is one of the toughest in the Marine Corps, but so far it’s been a rousing success, with women passing at a 97 percent success rate. That’s far above the only 75 percent pass rate for males.
“Piece of cake,” said Second Lieutenant Janeane Garafolo, a former comedian and actress. “This course was a real joke. Bring on the hard stuff.”
The course has attracted even more high-profile female celebrities, including new Second Lieutenants Arianna Huffington, Jane Fonda, and Al Franken.
“I just really wanted to serve in the evil empire myself, just to see what it was like,” said Fonda, who was already practicing future anti-war activities by throwing her National Defense Medal over a nearby fence.
The celebrity females join another already in the Army — MSNBC talk host Rachel Maddow. Maddow, secretly a Captain in the Massachusetts National Guard, is the first female officer in the Army to be given command of an infantry company.
Most notably after taking command, Maddow issued a memorandum requiring all of her subordinates to call her ‘sir.’ One source told Duffel Blog that during her company’s latest drug test, Maddow was seen spitting Copenhagen while smacking a fellow soldier on the ass and grunting, “Good game, Hooah!”