Strange Man Stalks Local High School, Talks To Children

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KILLEEN, TX – A strange man has been stalking a local high school and luring children into conversations, Duffel Blog has learned.

Reports vary, but the man is said to be dressed in green, wearing a short cropped hairstyle, and possesses an awkwardly-tapered mustache. He arrived approximately a half-hour before the school’s first lunch break, where he was seen milling about in the cafeteria.

“He invited me over to this little table he was sitting at,” said 16-year-old junior Kyle Smith. “There was a bowl of candy and some glossy pictures and brochures with sweaty men jumping around.”

After gaining the children’s attention, the man reportedly offered them “a chance to see the world.” Not content with this subtle metaphor, the man in green then blatantly offered individual children thousands of dollars “up-front” to run away from home with him. Other witnesses say he told children that he would “make a man out of them.”

“I talked to him,” said 14-year-old freshman James McThorn. “He told me I was a fine young man, but that I was too young for him, and to call him back when I was at least a year older. He did give me a business card though.”

“He was pretty creepy,” said 17-year-old junior Samantha Johnson. “He kept telling us [the students] that he could help us accelerate our lives. Luckily, he seemed more interested in talking to the guys, so I didn’t have to hear too much. I still don’t know what he was pushing.”

Between awkward conversations with children half his age, the man sat dejectedly, head in hands, and appeared to quietly sob. It remains unclear if the man was struggling with his conscience or simply lamenting his inability to catch his prey.

This behavior ended shortly after the high school’s second lunch break. The stranger exchanged personal details with various children, then evaded authorities’ attempts to ask him a few questions by running to his red Toyota Prius and driving off.

The man was last seen entering the local mall where he drifted lazily about with other similarly clad, and empty eyed individuals.