WASHINGTON, DC — Vice President Joe Biden, known for his occasional gaffes when speaking to groups, used what some have called an egregious racial slur during a meeting of the National Security Council, sources confirmed Friday evening.
The meeting of the NSC was a normal meeting for the President’s top advisors on matters of national security and foreign policy, but it quickly went off-track when Biden called on the Joint Chiefs to “bomb [those] ISIL camel jockeys back to the friggin’ stone age.”
Apparently unaware of his gaffe, Biden continued speaking at length while aides frantically waved at him, trying to get him to stop.
“See, Marty [Gen. Martin Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs], these towel-headed fig-eaters aren’t going to respond to us leading from behind like we did in Syria. We need to show those goat fuckers we mean business. Can you have your zoomies draw up some scenarios to JDAM their asses so hard that they forget which bare hand they wipe with?” Biden asked.
Dempsey, deeply unsettled but unwilling to offend Biden, simply nodded wordlessly, according to a senior defense official in attendance. The Chairman attempted to change topics, but Biden interrupted with an unexpected tangent, asking about further bombing target packages which would focus on North Korea, Iran and other countries.
“While we’re on the topic, Marty, why not just bring the whole binder in, all the countries we could hit, for Barack to review?” asked Biden, rubbing his hairplugs thoughtfully.
“It’s been a while since he updated the kill list. Those dirty gooks in North Korea. The hairy, mincing pederasts in Iran. The Jibboes, the Dune Coons, those disgusting Greek boy-lovers. The lazy beaners, the thieving borscht-stinking Russkies, the potato-distilling soulless ginger Micks. The scheisse-porn making Krauts, the haggis-gobbling butt-ugly Scots. Those Ebola-infested, click-whistle talking, bonobo-worshipping, barefoot tribal clansmen in central Africa. The piss-stained cowardly French, the stained undershirt wearing Eye-Ties, the…ugh…the fucking Portuguese.”
“Even the syrup-guzzling pussy Canadians,” he added, much to the displeasure of the Canadian Lt. Col. serving a cultural exchange tour as one of Dempey’s aides de camp. “Let’s review the whole ‘what if’ targeting panoply.”
NSC staff confirmed off the record that Biden will issue a formal apology tomorrow before departing for his seal-clubbing expedition.