CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — A U.S. Marine stationed at Camp Pendleton is reportedly praying that the president commits to “boots on the ground” in Syria so that he can get away from his wife as well “answering his nation’s call or whatever,” sources confirmed.
“I’ve been deployed now to Iraq twice, Afghanistan once,” said Sgt. Neil Tack of 3rd Battalion, 5th Marines. “This is what I live for. To get the hell away from my goddamn nagging wife, oh, and umm, to go out there and engage the enemy in close combat.”
Sources confirmed Tack hopes he can be deployed to war for at least six months so he can finally get some peace and quiet away from Susie, his wife of six years. Further, the sergeant hopes to not have to deal with that woman he “kind of loves, I guess” who constantly wants him to fix stuff up around the house, take out the garbage cans, or wants to cuddle — usually when he’s playing Playstation 4, drinking, or watching football.
“Me and my Marines have worked for this for so long. We go out to the field and train for a week when we’re back here at Pendleton, then we come back, shower, then avoid our wives as long as possible by heading straight to the bar,” said Tack of his plans to try to get away from Susie at all costs, despite not having any intention of getting a divorce. “It’s like training for the Super Bowl all year and not getting to play in the big game. I’ve been avoiding her for weeks, but not being able to get away from her for at least six months is just cruel.”
Still, Tack has other reasons to hope for an increased military presence against militants of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS). A source within his squad told Duffel Blog that Tack plans on taking his entire DVD collection with him, which includes “The Walking Dead,” “True Blood,” and “Girls,” so he can finally get caught up.
At press time, Tack was volunteering for Staff Duty so he could at least play Madden without being interrupted by some bullshit from his wife about never spending time together.