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Opinion: The Fucking Mirror Moved Again, Fix It For Me

The following is an opinion, written by your HMMWV driver.

Shit. Hey, the mirror moved again. You mind fixing it? Yeah just pull it in a little bit. No, the frame part, not the mirror itself.

Pull it in. Little more. Little more. Little … Too far. Push it back. Yeah, getting warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Disco. Thanks.

Wait, yeah, actually move the mirror instead. Just a touch. Just a bit. Just a skoch. Out just one more red cunt hair. Too far, bring it back. Yeah. That’s good.

No, shit. Yeah, move the frame. Pull it obliquely. What do you mean “what do you mean?” Obliquely, motherfucker, do you speak it? At a fucking angle. Just about an inch. Little more. Little more. Little …

Too far.

Push it back. Yeah, rearwards and forward. What? Rotate anti-clockwise while pushing the frame inward toward the A-pillar. Well excuse me for knowing my fucking automotive terms.

Ok, just about there. Little more. Little more. Yeah. that’s got it.

Yeah, the motor pool says they’ve got new mirrors in. Fucking battalion commander’s truck will probably get twenty of the motherfuckers before we get one. His whip’s going to get festooned with the cocksuckers. His shit’s going to look the scooter on the “Quadrophenia” album cover. Meanwhile I gotta blow two goats to get a fucking wingnut and some Loctite for these fucking mirrors. Yeah, it’s on the 2404.

What? The Who. No, dipshit. The name of the band is The Who. It’s a concept album.

Shit. Mirror moved. Fix it for me, will ya?

Fuck.

Parking brake’s been on this whole time.

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Steve Wilson
Guest
1 year 8 months ago
This is why I had to kill one of my drivers during Desert Storm. I certainly wasn’t an asshole about it. I didn’t stab him in the eye-socket with my K-Bar while he was putting me through his version of what you all just read. I had patience. I waited. Recalling that revenge is a dish best served hot, loud and with great violence, I waited several days until he had to take a shit at our final POS in Kuwait. Then, as he receded in the distance with his E-tool over one shoulder, shit paper grasped firmly in the… Read more »
Armando Muir
Guest
1 year 8 months ago

What sucks is after all that hard work, some fucker will fling the door open and knock the mirror out of alignment again.

Lonnie Cavenee
Guest
1 year 8 months ago

Can you see the real me Doctor, Doctor? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82oVtqrCpaI

David Evans
Guest
1 year 9 months ago

LOL and that’s not even the original mirrors, hey the money they saved they spent on the seats.

Justin Gibson
Guest
1 year 9 months ago

Heh. Must be a trucker thing. Not to sure I get the joke. We’ll written though.

wpDiscuz

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