Opinion: The Fucking Mirror Moved Again, Fix It For Me

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The following is an opinion, written by your HMMWV driver.

Shit. Hey, the mirror moved again. You mind fixing it? Yeah just pull it in a little bit. No, the frame part, not the mirror itself.

Pull it in. Little more. Little more. Little … Too far. Push it back. Yeah, getting warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Disco. Thanks.

Wait, yeah, actually move the mirror instead. Just a touch. Just a bit. Just a skoch. Out just one more red cunt hair. Too far, bring it back. Yeah. That’s good.

No, shit. Yeah, move the frame. Pull it obliquely. What do you mean “what do you mean?” Obliquely, motherfucker, do you speak it? At a fucking angle. Just about an inch. Little more. Little more. Little …

Too far.

Push it back. Yeah, rearwards and forward. What? Rotate anti-clockwise while pushing the frame inward toward the A-pillar. Well excuse me for knowing my fucking automotive terms.

Ok, just about there. Little more. Little more. Yeah. that’s got it.

Yeah, the motor pool says they’ve got new mirrors in. Fucking battalion commander’s truck will probably get twenty of the motherfuckers before we get one. His whip’s going to get festooned with the cocksuckers. His shit’s going to look the scooter on the “Quadrophenia” album cover. Meanwhile I gotta blow two goats to get a fucking wingnut and some Loctite for these fucking mirrors. Yeah, it’s on the 2404.

What? The Who. No, dipshit. The name of the band is The Who. It’s a concept album.

Shit. Mirror moved. Fix it for me, will ya?

Fuck.

Parking brake’s been on this whole time.