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Opinion: Riding In A Humvee Always Gives Me A Boner

worste2The following is an op-ed by that guy in second platoon that is a habitual over-sharer.

Hey man! LT said Jones is out sick so it looks like I’ll be a dismount for your truck crew today. You know what that means, hours of just riding in the back seat of a Humvee with nothing to do.

Don’t you hate how you always get a boner from riding in a Humvee? What? That doesn’t happen to you? It’s not that I like Humvees that much, it’s just something about the vibration on my taint. I mean, I guess my mind wanders while I’m bouncing along, my flaccid penis slowly becoming more stiff as it rubs against my thigh.

Then I start thinking about that chick I banged in Korea three years ago, her perfect tight body with exactly proportional tits. The way our naked flesh grinded together as we melted into each other. Our sex was like some kind of modern art piece; we painted the room with our fluids.

I hope that’s not weird for me to share — I mean — we’re practically brothers since we’re in the same platoon! Next thing you know we’ll be double-teaming some townies on a 72!

I can imagine it now, your naked, muscular body pinning some small girl to the ground of a dirty motel room floor while you vigorously thrust in and out of her and I’m totally tapping some chick on the bed and your meticulously shaped glutes are pushing your hard cock into some slut until you finally explode all over her face and I totally jizz all over the other girl’s tits!

Yeah! It’ll be badass! Anyways, I hope I don’t actually have to get out of the truck during the mission. I don’t think staff sergeant would like it if we stacked up on a building and he felt my rock hard erection pressing into his backside.

He might get the idea that I’m some kind of weirdo.

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