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Martin Shkreli Pays $3 For Only Copy Of Final ‘Tops In Blue’ Album

NEW YORK — With a winning bid of $3, the humanitarian pharmaceutical executive now accused of securities fraud has become the sole owner of the final album released by the Air Force’s traveling show choir Tops In Blue.

Martin Shkreli purchased the album, “Sexual Inyourendo,” from an online ad on Craigslist just weeks after he paid more than $2 million for the sole copy of The Wu-Tang Clan’s new album.

Though Shkreli may have to surrender the Wu-Tang album if found guilty of securities fraud, the Justice Department said in a statement that it would not try to seize the Tops in Blue album since it has negative value.

“We are just pleased that a buyer was found — stunned, really,” said a member of the group, who requested anonymity on the grounds that he soon would return to his regular unit, mowing golf courses for fighter pilots. “Not that many people are into synthesizers and jazz hands these days.”

Shkreli, the former CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals, first made headlines in September after he purchased the only manufacturer of a drug used to treat a parasitic infection that afflicts people with damaged immune systems, and raised the price of the medicine by more than 4000 percent. He eventually promised to lower the price, then changed his mind when the heat was off.

Tops In Blue has spent years performing before 15-person audiences in 1800-seat theaters even as budgets across the service were cut to fund the F-35.

Most recently, the Air Force even stopped funding three-volley or “21-gun salutes” at veterans’ funerals due to budget cuts, but somehow, the notorious hotbed of sexism, sexual harassment and more drama than a whole season of “Glee” endured until this week.

The Air Force finally announced a “pause” in the group’s tour of a year, “at the end of which every one is praying the Air Force will finally just cancel the damn thing,” as one F-35 program manager put it. “We need that $1.3 million budget to pay a contractor bonus.”

Sources report Shkreli broke his wrist after he punched a wall while listening to the album.

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9 months 25 days ago

Wow, this one is soooo close to the truth, it’s no longer satire. 😉


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