RANDOLPH AFB, TX – The United States Air Force is on the verge of collapse today after it was discovered that a page within Air Force Instruction 91-202 was actually unintentionally left blank, Duffel Blog has learned.The page, which was ostensibly page 12-5 of AFI 91-202, the Air Force instruction that ironically governs the Air Force’s Mishap Prevention Program, was unintentionally left blank due to a yet-to-be-deciphered error that possibly originated somewhere in the Middle East.
“It’s bad. Really bad,” said Staff Sgt. Jose Maldonado, a supply clerk with 902d Mission Support Group at Randolph.
“Typically we have controls for this sort of incident. If a page is supposed to be blank, we’re supposed to put something on it that lets everyone know that it’s supposed to be blank. You can’t just have blank pages all over the place without something on them explaining why it’s blank. It would destroy everything we’ve worked for.”
A base-wide recall is currently in effect, and a search for more unintentionally blank pages is underway. Forecasted results of the search, however, are not optimistic, as unintentionally blank pages are difficult to differentiate from unused printer paper.
The panic, Sgt. Maldonado said, is becoming difficult to keep under control.“Look,” he said, holding up a properly marked page (visible below). “This is what it’s supposed to look like. This is what keeps the US military on top.”When it was pointed out that writing on a blank page made it no longer blank, Sgt. Maldonado’s interview deteriorated into mindless babble and sobbing.
The Air Force Personnel Center (AFPC) is currently on lockdown trying to figure out whether or not the unintentionally blank page was a result of a cyber security breach, terrorist incident, or that really annoying thing where two pages get so perfectly stuck together that you can’t tell that there’s actually two of them.