Incredible Photos Of Rescue Swimmers Shitting Their Wetsuits After Jumping Out Of Helicopters

FREEPORT, Texas - Coast Guard Petty Officer 3rd Class Phil Wojitas, a rescue swimmer at Air Station Houston, conducts a freefall deployment here Friday, March 16, 2007. Rescue swimmers, like Wojitas, constantly train to hone their life-saving skills to better prepare themselves for real rescue cases. U.S. Coast Guard photo by PA1 Adam Eggers

Coast Guard rescue swimmers are among the nation’s finest, often rescuing stranded divers or boaters involved in accidents. But that doesn’t mean they don’t sometimes have their own accidents.

We looked through the vast Coast Guard archives of coasties shitting their pants. Here are some of the best.

SEATTLE, Wash. — A rescue swimmer jumps from an HH-60 Jayhawk helicopter, from Coast Guard Air Station Astoria, Ore., and promptly fills his wetsuit with warm shit. EVEN HEROES POOP!

SEATTLE (Aug. 8, 2004) A rescue swimmer jumps from an HH-60 Jayhawks helicopter, from Coast Guard AIr Station Astoria, Ore., during a rescue drill performed for federal and state officials. USCG photo by PA3 Adam Eggers.

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — A Coast Guard rescue swimmer from Air Station Atlantic City prepares to enter the water off of Atlantic City, NJ but not before pushing some legislation through the Senate!

Atlantic City, NJ ( Sept. 18, 2006)--A Coast Guard rescue swimmer from Air Station Atlantic City prepares to enter the water off of Atlantic City, NJ, during a water rescue training exercise Sept. 18, 2006. U.S. Coast Guard photo by PAC Tom Sperduto

SITKA, Alaska — A Coast Guard HH-60 performs a search and rescue, (SAR), demonstration following the annual Alaska Day Parade. The rescue swimmer is assuming the position one would make if they were to send a sausage to the sea. Oh wait! He is! Crap away shitmate!

SITKA, Alaska - A Coast Guard HH-60 performs a search and rescue, (SAR), demonstration following the annual Alaska Day Parade on October 18, 2007. The rescue swimmer is deployed to recover a person simulating distress in the water, displaying rescue techniques that would be used in an actual SAR case. (Official Coast Guard photo by Petty Officer Eric J. Chandler)

SAVANNAH, Ga. — Coast Guard Petty Officer 1st Class Tony Villasenor, a helicopter rescue swimmer from Air Station Savannah, hones his skills in Charleston Harbor, S.C. by committing a brown crime in his water tight wetsuit.

SAVANNAH, Ga. - Coast Guard Petty Officer 1st Class Tony Ariola, a helicopter rescue swimmer from Air Station Savannah, hones his skills in Charleston Harbor, S.C., during a training mission. The crew of the Coast Guard rescue helicopter was on their way to Air Station Savannah's northern staging area - Air Facility Charleston. Coast Guard photo by PA1 Donnie Brzuska, PADET Jacksonville, Fla.

This famous Coast Guard painting illustrates that even when a swimmer is about to save lives, he immediately salutes and sharts himself. Those saved are eternally grateful for this man’s sacrifice and dedication to his duty (or doody…GET IT?!?!).

A Coast Guard rescue swimmer deploys from an HH-60J "Jayhawk" helicopter, typical of harrowing rescue scenarios that rescue swimmers are called upon to perform.

FREEPORT, Texas — Coast Guard Petty Officer 3rd Class Phil Norling, a rescue swimmer at Air Station Houston, conducts a freefall deployment here. Speaking of which, Norling just freefell some butt brownies into his gumby suit! So warm!

FREEPORT, Texas - Coast Guard Petty Officer 3rd Class Phil Wojitas, a rescue swimmer at Air Station Houston, conducts a freefall deployment here Friday, March 16, 2007. Rescue swimmers, like Wojitas, constantly train to hone their life-saving skills to better prepare themselves for real rescue cases. U.S. Coast Guard photo by PA1 Adam Eggers


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2 Comments

  1. Apparently, the Coast Guard has adopted the undocumented paratrooper’s Seventh Point of Performance. It should be noted that the rescue swimmers have a lot less time to complete this task than the paratroopers and I could write something funnier than this using the residual brain in my tail.

Edward Lin

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