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B-52s back on tour and ‘playing the classics’

AL UDEID AIR BASE, Qatar — With more than 60 years as a bomber, the Air Force’s B-52s are gearing up to begin touring once again, with many dates already planned this summer in Iraq and Syria.

The B-52s have been performing since the 1950s and are considered one of the greatest bombers of all time. They will be kicking off their ISIS Tour in the upcoming weeks and will be hitting the cities of Mosul, Baiji, and Fallujah, with more dates expected to be added.

“We have been eager to perform in the area and we know what the fans want,” says the B-52’s tour manager Lt. Gen. Charles Q. Brown Jr of U.S. Air Forces Central Command. “We’re trying to shock and awe them with the classics that everyone knows and loves. ‘Tomahawk,’ ‘Air-to-Ground,’ ‘Love Shack Destroyed.’”

“People in countries all over the world grew up listening to these hits.”

Despite no longer being young, the B-52s are expected to bring down the house, and fans say they always “blow the roof off the place” with their hit single “Iraq Lobster,” and many other bad puns used to describe the tactical bombing that is desperately needed to halt the spread of the radical Islamic group.

However, not everyone is excited for the ISIS tour. Many people are openly criticizing the B-52s for performing way past their prime and think that younger, hotter bombers should get an opportunity to bring something new to the war zone.

“We see it all the time. Think of The Rolling Stones, Hilary Clinton, and even with the A-10 Warthog,” says Brown. “All of them have been criticized for touring past their prime, but the B-52s continue to put on a great show.”

Intelligence agencies will be updating the tour list throughout the summer, in consultation with White House Deputy National Security Advisor Ben Rhodes.

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