WAUNAKEE, Wisconsin — Some 20 employees at the office of Wesley Plastics and Electronics were recently diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) due to veteran employee Brent Standish’s inability to stop talking about PTSD, members of the staff report.
According to multiple co-workers, Standish, a self-proclaimed “dysfunctional veteran” who demands to be left alone, has been traumatizing his office mates daily for the past five years. His ceaseless advocacy for PTSD, combined with random outbursts over perceived slights to veterans, reportedly sent his co-workers into a downward spiral of depression and psychosis, including administrative assistant Elizabeth Brody.
“Whoever said ‘PTSD is the silent killer’ never met Brent because that is all he talks about,” said Brody, who recently returned to work after suffering her second nervous breakdown. “Plus I can’t even call people ‘rock stars’ or, God forbid, ‘hero,’ because then I will never hear the end of it.”
In between manic bouts of brooding in silent rage and four-hour diatribes about how he can’t go to malls and sporting events, Brody says that Standish drove his colleagues into a deep state of apathetic rage by being evasive and cryptic whenever asked about his service.
“On one hand, he wanted us to ask, but then got angry every time we did,” said Brody. “So we stopped asking, which only made things worse.”
Brody said conditions deteriorated to the point where a psychiatric crisis team was dispatched to the Waunakee Business Park to combat the severe anxiety and boredom-induced lethargy employees faced at work. Crisis team leader Dr. Allison Reynolds says she brought an “objective eye” to the problem, but still scientifically narrowed the issue down to Standish.
“Much like the fallout radius of a nuclear bomb, symptoms became progressively worse the closer to Standish [other employees] sit,” said Reynolds. “Those sitting furthest away displayed minor symptoms, like becoming hyper-vigilant waiting for him to arrive at work.”
“Contrast that with those sitting in close proximity, who complained of trouble concentrating and suicidal thoughts listening to Standish talk for hours on end about why his 25% VA disability should be 100%.”
“Employees unanimously suffer from insomnia as well, but that is due to Standish’s multiple calls in the middle of the night challenging them to 22 pushups,” she added.
Despite the overwhelming evidence of Standish’s negative impact to workplace productivity, Human Resource managers insist their hands are tied.
“Do you know how bad it will look if we have to admonish, let alone fire, a veteran?” said Human Resources manager Trevor McDonald. “We are looking at a PR nightmare, not to mention our diversity stats will go right down the toilet next quarter.”
Standish was unavailable for comment, but wrote on his Facebook page that he accepts no responsibility for any PTSD accusations insisting “only veterans” have PTSD.