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FBI warns terrorists may have Dihydrogen Monoxide

WASHINGTON — The US government has raised its terror warning status this week after the FBI issued a warning that the terror group ISIS may have access to the chemical dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), and may be preparing to use it in attacks on US soil.

Sources say the group has used the substance to launch probing attacks on multiple US coastal cities. A recent attack in Louisiana has destroyed thousands of homes, although ISIL has not yet claimed responsibility.

“We’re doing everything we can to dry up their supply of DHMO,” said FBI Director James Comey. “We’ve been inundated by a flood of information in the past twenty-four hours, and we hope some of that will trickle down into actionable intelligence.”

Already, numerous drone strikes have been launched against suspected DHMO storage facilities, but thus far they have “barely made a ripple,” say Central Intelligence Agency sources.

The FBI has warned Americans to avoid drinking from public taps, as they may have been saturated with DHMO by ISIL sleeper cells.

Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter says his anger “is boiling over, as in recent years Congress has siphoned off the resources designed to ebb such a threat.”

“We no longer have a well of funding specifically designed to dam the flow of DHMO streaming out of the Middle East,” said Carter. “And without those resources, they’re using it to really mop the floor with us.”

As to how vast ISIL’s DHMO supply actually is, Carter suspects they have “oceans of it.” According to analysts, he says, they have so much that they are “literally drowning in it.”

“Whether we’re able to get to the bottom of this,” says Carter, “really depends on which way the tide turns.”

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Member
12 days 21 hours ago

Actually, this is quite funny, and lightens the load from all the chaotic crap ISIS has been doing. Yea, destroy their water supply and ruin them.

We need to write more humorous things like this on the blog I write for: https://www.part-time-commander.com

Member
1 month 1 day ago

Hysterical! The man-made climate change people will go insane!

Member
1 month 1 day ago

Wow people it’s a satire article…Dihydrogen = 2 hydrogen molecules, Monoxide is 1 Oxygen Molecule, put them together what do you get? H2O….Hint: It’s water.

Member
1 month 2 days ago

The US has already been doing a lot of research on this chemical. Read more about it here: http://dhmo.org/

Member
1 month 2 days ago

Bogus article, whoever wrote it has already drunk the “koolaid”. They don’t even say what the stuff does, but here is what one site says, “Historically, the dangers of DHMO, for the most part, have been considered minor and manageable.”

Get a real job, instead of sitting around trying to come up with nonsense! What a twit!

Member
1 month 1 day ago

Fool! DHMO is the principle ingredient in ‘Kool Aid’.

Member
1 month 2 days ago

Furthermore, you do realize that DMHO is the chemical name for ***spoiler alert*** water? So, basically it’s saying the terrorists have water. If they didn’t, there wouldn’t be any terrorists.

Member
1 month 2 days ago

You do realize this is the military/veteran version of The Onion.

wpDiscuz

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