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Embarrassing dad won’t stop talking about soldier’s potty-training accidents, grisly combat death

PHILADELPHIA – Proud parents Tom and Trish Meyers can’t stop talking about their son Jacob’s potty training accidents, adorable childhood mispronunciations, and grisly combat death, sources confirmed today.

“Dad’s always been the worst about this,” says Meghan, Jacob’s younger sister. “He’ll talk to anyone — the mailman, the bank teller — about how Jacob tried to hide his first potty-training accident in a restaurant by smearing chocolate pudding on his lap, or how he couldn’t say Meghan so he’d call me Ray Gun, or how he saw that white Toyota was sagging too low, and everyone could feel that something wasn’t right, but you know Jacob.”

Meghan stopped to roll her eyes. “I’m like, Dad, stop it. They’re just being polite. You’re being really embarrassing.”

“He’ll even get out the pictures of Jacob playing the carrot in the 3rd grade school play which he keeps in his wallet for some stupid reason. And then, if they listen for just a second, he’ll start talking about how they couldn’t find more than a few inches of him to send home and that casket at the funeral was just for show,” says Meghan. “Classic Dad. Groan-inducing.”

Sources confirmed that Tom Meyers has been known to make his wife and daughter cringe as he brings his son’s posthumous Purple Heart out at neighborhood BBQs to pass around.

“Dad thinks Jake’s medals are like, so cool, but I keep telling him that they give those to everyone who gets blown into bits,” Meghan says. “He just makes everything awkward really fast, and mom gets upset with him because he got mustard on it once.”

Jacob Meyers, a Military Police Lieutenant assigned to the 25th Infantry Division, was known as a strong leader, a “soldier’s soldier” who always had a joke and, according to his father, “stuttered in front of the young ladies until the 11th grade when he got that buck-toothed girl to let him take her to the prom.” He was killed in action in 2004 in Kirkuk.

Trish Meyers has privately cautioned her husband about bringing up her son in public.

“I just don’t think he should use Jacob’s death for any purpose he wants,” says Trish. “And that pudding story is getting really old.”

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