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Marine officer swears she will quit if she sees one more butthole

Photo Credit: Dvids
Photo Credit: Dvids

QUANTICO, Va. — A student at the Marine Corps’ Basic School has seen one too many buttholes and swears she will quit if one more student drops trousers.

Second Lt. Lisa Nickel, who is four months into the Marine Corps’ rigorous field training course at The Basic School, complains that the overwhelming heat combined with dehydration, or “just a lack of awareness of what happens if  you decide to go down,” guarantees that at least one student’s butthole is exposed each day.

“Female Marines, male Marines. I’ve seen them all,” said fellow trainee 2nd Lt. David Ross. “And what I’ve seen go in those buttholes. You don’t even want to know.”

Navy Corpsman Petty Officer 3rd Class Jessie Hollins described “the silver bullet” — the common military nickname for the Navy’s rectal thermometer — as the preferred method for registering a student’s core temperature in the field, and “what many of the students try to fight off once they realize the consequence of their decision to drop.”

“I’m not going to say I enjoy restraining students and shoving it in their butthole in front of their peers,” said Hollins. “But it’s not something that keeps me up at night either.”

TBS Instructor Cpl. Tory Higgins has no doubt the Navy Corpsmen who administer the rectal thermometer “get off” on treating the students. “Hell, I thought I would get off on seeing the girls’ buttholes too,” claimed Higgins. “But once you’ve seen one butthole, you’ve seen them all.”

“I can’t even tell the men from the women anymore,” he said.

For Nickel, the exposed buttholes have raised concerns about her future in the Marine Corps.

“I may have to work with some of these officers in the fleet,” said Nickel.

“How am I supposed to take the admin officer seriously when I’ve seen him sweaty and bent over in a bush in Quantico with a thermometer up his ass?”

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If I had a nickle for every time I saw an Admin Officer bent over and sweaty with something up their butt hole…

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