Sailors who are not Navy SEALs finally get to shoot shit
YEMEN — A number of American Navy sailors currently stationed off the coast of Yemen, who are not SEAL operators, finally got to shoot at shit, sources confirmed Tuesday.
Despite joining the Navy after watching a number of recruiting commercials featuring SEALs blowing the fuck out of things and shooting bad guys, the sailors on the USS Mason (DDG-87) had unfortunately not been given that opportunity.
That is, until yesterday, when they launched three cruise missiles — costing upwards of $4 million — at shacks and radar sites operated by Houthi rebels.
The strikes were in response to missile attacks coming from the Houthi insurgents over the past four days.
"We're basically like Navy SEAL snipers," said Petty Officer 3rd Class William Hurley. "Just with missiles."
According to senior defense officials, sailors were initially baffled by calls from the Mason's captain to make preparations to fire the ship's missiles — especially since it was steak and lobster day on the mess deck, and calling general quarters during that time was an especially-dickish move by the Skipper.
Still, the sailors were quite pleased after they launched three Evolved Seasparrow Missiles at the Houthis, an action which was met by cheers around the decks after their successful flight away from the ship. Once the missiles hit their target, the captain reportedly told the crew "Tango Down" over the ship's loudspeaker, since he saw Bruce Willis say that one time in that crying movie.
"Eagle 6-9, this is Nightmare 177, target has been neutralized. Now standing by for extraction at rendezvous point X-Ray Oscar Romeo," Cmdr. Christopher J. Gilbertson, the Mason's commanding officer, reportedly said later that evening in the shower while raising his hands to mimic holding a rifle.