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Professional escort says Marines have the nicest balls

The following is an opinion article written by Candy Smith, a professional escort from Elko, Nevada.

In my line of work I have a lot of interaction with military personnel from around the world, and I often get invited to various military functions. I’ve been to plenty of wet-downs, promotions, retirements, homecomings and commissioning ceremonies, but what I love best is their balls.

Of all the balls I have experienced, I like the Marines’ the best. They are a real classy affair. My dates always pick me up early because they like to come with me, rather than meet me there. They look so handsome in their dress blues and always provide a stiff arm for me to hold as I am going down the steps to the car. There’s usually a souvenir for guests to take home, and sometimes my dates will give it to me in the car before we get there.

When we arrive, they usually buy me a cocktail, and we pose for pictures next to a giant cake. It’s so big it barely fits on the table.

Then there’s the traditional ceremony, and that is really impressive. It must be so hard for those Marines to stand erect at attention for so long. Even the lady Marines make a nice, tight formation, and they can really grip the flagpole when they are part of the color guard.

After the ceremony, there’s a fancy dinner, with bread, tossed salad, and a big piece of tender meat. Sometimes I don’t eat the meat though and select a fish dish instead, or if I’m not that hungry, I’ll just have a tasty muffin for dessert.

Finally we get to dance! It usually starts off slow, with just a couple people swaying back and forth, but then the music picks up, and more people join in, and we go at it for hours. My date and I are usually completely spent by the time the evening ends, but I always have such a nice time.

I’ve attended a Navy ball and a few Army balls, but they weren’t that memorable. I didn’t think the Air Force even had balls until I got to see a couple, and they were pretty small affairs.

By far, the Marines have the nicest balls of all.

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I hear their balls are always bouncing. Usually to the left and to the right. It is, actually, my believe that their big balls should be held every night.

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