Airman finally gets pussy for Christmas

A kitten sits next to some exercise equipment in a service member's home.

VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. – Airman Alex Johnson finally got the pussy he had always wanted for Christmas this year.

“It was so awesome,” Johnson exclaimed with a dopey expression on his face. “There were so many pussies to choose from at that place downtown — black, white, mixed, Asian. I was working it hard for hours, and it was just like pussy galore! The lady in charge said I could even have a little pussy for free!”

Johnson was one of six Air Force volunteers who participated in the Santa Barbara Humane Society’s Christmas Day cat adoption event.

“There are dozens of cats at our shelter in need of homes,” said SBHS director Betty Nichols. “When I reached out to Vandenberg for volunteers to groom and play with the pussies, I got hundreds of responses!”

Nichols said quite a few of the volunteers pulled out of the commitment early, but Johnson had some serious staying power and helped out all day.

“He just couldn’t keep his hands off of them,” Nichols said. “He was stroking them for hours and had them purring and drooling like you wouldn’t believe.”

Johnson was directly responsible for helping interested individuals hook up with the right animal for them.

“There are a lot of young, lonely, single airmen around here who could really use a little companionship, and these furry little muffins are great for that,” Johnson said. “Even some older married ladies were interested in petting the pussies though.”

Despite the fact that there were five other airmen ready and willing to pet and feed the cats, the pussies only wanted Johnson.

“Maybe they were grumpy or I was just rubbing them the wrong way,” said Airman 1st Class Carlos Garcia, “but they wouldn’t come to me at all. Johnson really got lucky though, especially with the Siamese.”

Because of his hard work and all the cleaning and meal preparation he did, Nichols rewarded Johnson by waiving the pet adoption fee, letting him snatch up the fuzzy wuzzy of his dreams.


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