Congressman calls for Army basic training to match Marine Corps policy of killing some recruits

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WASHINGTON – A Florida congressman is calling for tough reforms at Army basic training facilities so the service can match the track record of the Marine Corps, which implemented a policy of killing some recruits last year.

The move by the Corps to kill off some of the weak ones to make an example of the others elevated its 13-week boot camp to the toughest training in the nation.

Rep. Jeff Miller (R-Fla.) condemned the recent lack of newsworthy incidents taking place in Army basic training, and promised to hold the powers that be within the ranks accountable moving forward.

Miller, who serves as the Chairman of the House Committee on Veteran’s Affairs, cited the plethora of unfavorable and sometimes tragic occurrences synonymous with the Marine Corps, combined with the Army’s well-respected track record as evidence of a need for parity.

“Look, we all know the adage about ‘different uniform, same team,’” he said. “However, I’m not one to sit back and watch one branch get all the press, while the other is shoved aside. There needs to be a balance of cruelty.”

Miller said he would spearhead plans for enhanced physical and emotional torture within Army basic training. His hope is that all recruits arriving on US Army facilities will receive the proper chastisement and pummeling by mid-2017.

Miller sought the advice of Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) before announcing the call for change – citing the knowledge accumulated at the renowned Hanoi Hilton that makes McCain the literal go to guy for advice on maniacal savagery.

“John was telling me about meat hook suspension and gasoline being poured over open wounds. I guess it shouldn’t go that far,” he admitted. “But we’re still going to explore all avenues training.”

Miller said he feels very confident that this type of re-branding would revolutionize the Army, and catapult it to the top of many a post-high school wish list.

“I’m certain that once this thing gets rolling, our Army is going to be making so many headlines, the recruiting offices are going have hordes of eager youngsters begging to get signed up,” he said. “This is an exciting time for us all.”