‘Dysfunctional veteran’ actually just dysfunctional

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ENID, Okla. — Area man and self-proclaimed “dysfunctional veteran” Tad Wilkins has been determined to be just the former, sources have confirmed.

According to several friends, family members, and acquaintances, Wilkins seems to always be playing up his military service in everyday life — especially on veteran-oriented holidays — despite the fact that he washed out in Air Force Basic Military Training and never even made it to tech school, much less his first deployment.

“The guys I met in the military were some of the finest folks I’ve ever worked with,” says the college-aged male who was pulled out of training before finishing Week 4. “The camaraderie one finds in a group of people who eat, sleep, and endure hardship together is almost unparalleled in the civilian world.”

Wilkins seems to take pride in his time in the Air Force, brief though it was. The wall of his room, located below his parents’ house, is adorned with posters showcasing America’s various special operations forces; his wardrobe is full of 5.11 Tactical cargo-pants and veteran-themed t-shirts from Grunt Style and Dysfunctional Veterans.

In the midst of all this, Wilkins admits the transition back to civilian life has been tough.

“You spend all that time in an environment where everything is structured and you know your place,” he elaborates further, “And then suddenly you’re out in the civilian world, where you’re expected to find your own way? It’s not an easy change.”

Meanwhile, Wilkins’ former BMT flight-mates have their own opinions of him.

“Wilkins? Yeah, I remember him. A total shitbird, if you ask me,” says Airman 1st Class Yeshua Arrierez, who is now studying aircraft maintenance at Sheppard Air Force Base. “He couldn’t keep his bearing, give himself a clean-shave, or march in-sync with us to save his life.”

“I can’t tell you how many times we got smoked because of him,” he added.

Apparently, Wilkins had a panic-attack when his longtime-girlfriend told him over the phone that she couldn’t handle him being away and wanted to break things off, sources say. He was sent home shortly thereafter.

Arrierez and several others, however, believe he was faking his condition to get kicked out.

“All of us could tell he was bullshitting. He wanted out so he could try saving a doomed relationship,” Arrierez muses aloud. “Oh well. He probably would’ve continued on to be a dirtbag airman.”

Several civilian friends have confirmed that Wilkins has gone back to his previous lifestyle since returning home, which includes skipping college to play video games, bouncing from one minimum-wage job to another, and relying on his parents for financial support.

At press time, sources confirm that Wilkins’ girlfriend has broken up with him anyway to date an infantry Marine. She did not respond to a request for comment.