Opinion: How is it possible that you lost my medical record AGAIN?

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The following is an op-ed written by a staff sergeant who is about to lose his mind at the base medical clinic.

What do you mean you can’t locate my record? I just handed you the 34th copy of it when I checked in for this appointment 87 minutes ago!

You’ve gotta be freakin’ kidding me! I walked up to the counter to check in 20 minutes early, and I handed you the copy and watched you put it in that plastic slot next to the door.

This utterly blows my mind that you have somehow lost it between now and then, when NO ONE has touched it!

I have been staring at that slot with laser focus since I sat down in that crappy, stained, plastic chair, because I had a feeling that your staggeringly incompetent ass would magically misplace it.

Foolishly I had a glimmer of hope that because it was right there in front of me and a room full of other pathetic souls that it might actually make it into the exam room so I would not have to give my ENTIRE FREAKIN’ MEDICAL HISTORY FOR THE 1,000TH TIME!

How stupid of me.

I have gotten the typhoid, smallpox, anthrax, Japanese encephalitis, malaria, MMR, and diphtheria shots so many times that the CDC could make a super combo vaccine directly from my blood stream.

Further, your shaky-handed lab tech trainees have stuck me so many times for the HIV blood draw that I have track marks all over both arms, and my CO referred me to the SACO for a piss test!

I posed for a selfie with the tech with the needle still in my arm the last time AND got a notarized letter from the witnesses I paid to be there, but apparently that doesn’t qualify as evidence in [Marine Online], and I had to get stuck AGAIN this morning.

If I was as incompetent at my job as you are I would have been court-martialed for dereliction of duty.

NO, I do NOT want to make another temporary record.

This shitty plastic pen with the fake flower duct-taped on there will do it for me from muscle memory.