YOUR HOMETOWN — Upon hearing about your military service, a civilian friend of yours working in the food service industry bragged that he wouldn’t let anyone boss him around if he were to join the military, Duffel Blog has learned.
“I think it’s great and all that you’re in the Army,” your high-school friend and Applebee’s server Chet said, after you recognized each other in the local franchise on Monday. “Me, I don’t think I’d do well in the service. I got problems with taking orders, you know?”
“Be right back,” he then told you, before hurrying over to pour water and list the daily specials for a couple that had sat down at a nearby table.
Sources tell Duffel Blog that Chet — whose very livelihood at present consists of addressing the fickle gastronomic concerns of mostly unappreciative customers in hopes of a meager tip — soon returned to elaborate on the untamable roguish attitude that he imagines to be a cornerstone of his personality.
“Yeah, if some drill sergeant started yelling in my face, I’d get angry. I don’t think I could hold back from just dropping that motherfucker, you know?” Chet continued, busing a plate-laden tray back to the kitchen after a table complained about their meals. “And all that stand at attention, left-right-left all the time? I don’t know how anyone can put up with it.”
As he wrote down your dessert order later that evening, Chet further explained that his reservations about enlistment were not limited to disciplinary concerns.
“Wearing a uniform every day? Pfft — no, thank you,” said the 24-year-old, himself sporting a restaurant-issued vest featuring a name tag with his first name emblazoned in capital letters. “At least here I get to wear any kind of pants I want, as long as they’re black.”
“Even black jeans,” he added.
Sources confirmed that after finishing your meal, you made sure to stop on your way out of the restaurant to shake Chet’s hand and thank him for his service.
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