New check out service allows Marines to sleep through last 3 months of contract

44,085

JACKSONVILLE, N.C. — A controversial business called Dropped Pack Check Out Service has taken the Camp Lejeune area by storm with a new service that promises to take on the often painstaking process of checking out prior to the end of a Marine’s contract.

“You name it, we do it,” said Marcus Bufort, the company’s founder. “IPAC, SEPS and TAPS, CIF, all of it. We chase down the entire alphabet soup of obscure acronyms while you dream about not shaving. You’ve served enough already, let us serve you. For a price, of course.”

According to Bufort, the company got its start during his own checkout process from the Marines.

“I picked up a check out sheet 4 months before EAS so I could skate,” Bufort explained. “My platoon sergeant thought I was checking out, but I was actually just sleeping the whole time. And in the midst of all that stress, I saw dollar signs.”

For now, DPCOS only offers its service to troops who are coming to the end of their active duty service. But, Bufort said, it may soon expand to unit check-outs and offer its employees to stand barracks duty while you are out at the bar.

“We’re located in the second deck lounge of HP 425. Come see us, we guarantee satisfaction and obscurity. All ranks welcome.”