New hookup app notifies Jody when you’re deployed

FORT DRUM, N.Y. — Military dependents nationwide are signing up for Dear John, a new dating app utilizing GPS technology that notifies Jody when you are deployed, sources confirmed today.

Dear John has already created over thousands of potential divorces in and around military bases after its launch last year. The Tinder-style app, launched to help battle loneliness and horniness in military spouses, already has 110,000 users across the U.S., the company said.

“I thought my life was over. Here I am in a new town with new people, and no one to slap my tits around,” said Abby Barnes, who joined the social app around a month ago and has already met with eight Jodies who are relentlessly attracted to lonely women who have zero inhibitions. “I was a bit nervous to meet up with Jody at first but I’ve been having a lot fun lately.”

“When my husband picked me up from the strip club I was working at and proposed to me a week later, I thought it was happiest day of my life. But now this app let’s me be committed to him and still get pounded like a jackhammer on the regular,” she added.

The app, dubbed “Tinder for dependas” was mainly designed to help Jody pick up lonely spouses living in military towns.

“I am getting out and about a lot more and getting to know some real nice women,” said Jody Smith, the developer of the app. “While these brave husbands go out and serve our country, I get to be involved with these beautiful families and do my part to support the troops.”

A number of users have also opted to pay $3.99 for the Dear John “Jody’s-Everywhere Edition,” which offers features like Facebook integration and automatically sends emails to you titled “MISS YOU” and “YOU’RE MY HERO” to keep suspicions at bay.


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