Gods finally call John Glenn back to Olympus

COLUMBUS, Ohio — A massive crowd gathered outside of the home of American demi-God John Glenn to celebrate his ascension back to Olympus early this morning. Flowers, love letters, and various animal sacrifices littered the ground for acres…

Expert Marksman killed in first gunfight

KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — Sgt. Marc Harper, top marksman in Alpha Company, was killed three days ago by enemy fire during a gunfight in southern Afghanistan, the Army has announced. Witnesses report that although Harper expended his entire…