Pte Bloggins

Pte Bloggins

Hailing from the great white north this Canuck is your typical igloo dwelling, dogsled riding polar bear hunter.

Pte Bloggins has written 5 article(s).


Hipster Joins Army To Be Ironic

by Pte Bloggins

Hipster Soldier

FORT JACKSON, SC – Like thousands of recruits that come through the gates of Fort Jackson every year, Private Eugene Burns never envisioned himself one day joining the Army. Indeed the liberal arts college dropout was quite opposed to the idea of serving until a recent turn of events inspired him to enlist. “I was [...]

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US Denies Prisoner Torture, Allegations Of Forced Listening To Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black

by Pte Bloggins

A US Marine guards a Taliban fighter in the middle of a fit of 'Beiber Fever'

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Pentagon has denied initial reports out of southern Afghanistan that Marines have tortured prisoners after an embedded journalist reported the playing of Justin Bieber songs to “extract intelligence.” New York Times reporter Thomas Brennan claimed that Taliban fighters were forced to endure songs like “Baby” and “Someone to Love.” He also described [...]

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Fake Teen Navy SEAL Rescued In Yemen By Real Navy SEALs

by Pte Bloggins

Navy SEAL Fast roping

SAN DIEGO, CA – Local teenager Travis Munroe is safe and back with his family today after being rescued by a platoon of Navy SEALs. Munroe, 17, was kidnapped months ago from his suburban home by an al Qaeda cell, and later shown in a terrorist propaganda video release out of Yemen. Army Colonel Giles Davies of United [...]

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Kilts Make Comeback For The British Army

by Pte Bloggins

KILTS

LONDON, UK - Camouflage and cargo pants have been the standard for armies throughout the world for years — including the United Kingdom. But that’s all going to change soon, according to Brian Epswitch of Xegis Combat Solutions, who determined that kilts need to make a comeback. The surprising news comes following an extensive study into improved combat uniforms. [...]

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Navy: Strip Clubs And Bars To Be Installed Aboard Aircraft Carriers

by Pte Bloggins

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Pentagon announced today that the Navy will be installing strip clubs and bars aboard all aircraft carriers. The unusual move comes at a time when budget cuts loom and the public has questioned the need for extravagant military spending. Commander Ethan Granger, a Navy spokesman, explains: “The time has come for [...]

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