Pentagon Announces Gender Neutral Hair Standards

THE PENTAGON — Following the conclusion of a lengthy period of focused testing and evaluation, the Department of Defense is poised to mandate full gender neutral integration of hair standards across the US military. The Defense study,…

Bin Laden Shooter To Release Sex Tape

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — Former member of elite Navy SEAL Team 6 Robert O'Neill has announced the pending release of his debut sex tape in a press conference today. Better known as "The Guy Who Shot Bin Laden," O'Neill has carefully cultivated…

Coast Guard Unveils FY16 GoFundMe Campaign

SEATTLE, Wash. — Facing annual budget woes for the 57th straight year, the Coast Guard Commandant yesterday unveiled a novel approach to funding its growing list of tasks: crowdsourcing. Speaking from the deck of the USCG Cutter Midgett, a…