Arizona State ROTC wins Best Rager Competition

TEMPE, Ariz. – A team from Arizona State University has secured top honors in the U.S. Army’s competitive Best Rager Competition, the military’s highest honor for raging ass bangin’ parties. “We’re incredibly proud of these exceptional…

VA operator still waiting on hold with Comcast

WASHINGTON — Department of Veterans Affairs Phone Outreach Assistance Specialist Janice Edlers has been on hold with Comcast since 10 a.m., sources report. “This is not just incredibly frustrating, it’s disrespectful and demoralizing,” said…

Citizen soldier shams at both

BROKEN ARROW, Okla. – Army National Guard Sgt. Terrance McMahan has underwhelmed superiors and subordinates alike with his consistent shamming in both his full-time job as a refrigerator mechanic for Holsum Foods and National Guard…

M.C. Master spits knowledge outta N.S.C.

THE PENTAGON — M.C. Master, a three-star Army general and amateur rapper, has been dropping truth bombs on the National Security Council since his appointment as National Security Advisor was announced by President Trump on Monday. “The…

Veterans Affairs turns away veterans of war on Christmas

MARTINSBURG, W.Va. – In yet another case of embarrassing incompetence, a VA center has turned away a group of War on Christmas Veterans seeking basic medical care, local sources report. “They’ve served their country, making great sacrifices…

Report: Lieutenant has resting dumb face

FORT BENNING, Ga. – Army 2nd Lt. Kevin Dingleberg has resting dumb face, a source familiar with the matter told reporters. “We’d prefer the term ‘resting confused face’ or ‘resting bewildered’ face," said company equal opportunity…