Man uses ‘vet card’ to win every argument ever

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Professional veteran Rob Owens is “damn nigh untouchable” in a social media debate, Facebook sources say, though they remind you under no circumstance to forget to graciously thank the sophistic wizard and veteran justice…

America’s Navy: Are you going to finish eating that?

THE PENTAGON — Hey, thanks for making it out to meet me for lunch. Sorry I’m so out of breath. Apparently there’s an actual Gold Star mom somewhere around here, so I had to park a few spots farther down. Anyway, you probably heard that…

Rogue shirt stay kills Marine

MCRD PARRIS ISLAND, S.C. – A Marine was killed when his shirt stay unexpectedly detached from his sock and struck him in the right testicle with the full force of Hooke’s law, sources confirmed today. Staff Sgt. Jeremy Yates, 29, died while…

Buddy fucker charged with sexual assault

JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Wash. — A local soldier who fucked his buddy this morning is facing discharge from military service, in addition to criminal charges and mandatory registration as a sex offender, sources confirmed today. Pfc.…

West Point Blames Allowing Women On Team For Loss

PHILADELPHIA – Shortly after suffering their 14th straight loss to Navy, Black Knights head coach Jeff Monken was expressly vocal on who he felt dropped the ball. “Women don’t belong in combat, damn it!” Monken fumed. “It’s a goddamn…