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Author: Slab Squatthrust

When I was 8 years old, my 3rd grade teacher told me I was completely useless. A waste of human space and time taken from those who actually make an effort in this world. She hated me. Well guess what Mrs. Sonderman; fuck you. I hope you die alone and angry. Wait...what am I supposed to be writing here again?
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WASHINGTON — The U.S. Coast Guard says it will respond to more than 3,000 incidents this year, likely resulting in more than 200 lives saved, at least 3,800 lives assisted, and approximately $5,365,000 in property saved, according to recent estimates. But that doesn’t mean that your unimportant and worthless life will be saved, officials added. […]
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WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis placed an Amazon ‘Dash Button’ on President Donald Trump’s desk that orders a 12-pack of Doritos while telling him it was for launching a nuclear strike on North Korea, sources confirmed today. The move came just days after the president taunted North Korean leader Kim Jong-un on Tuesday, mentioning […]
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