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Author: Slab Squatthrust

When I was 8 years old, my 3rd grade teacher told me I was completely useless. A waste of human space and time taken from those who actually make an effort in this world. She hated me. Well guess what Mrs. Sonderman; fuck you. I hope you die alone and angry. Wait...what am I supposed to be writing here again?
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NORTH ATLANTIC OCEAN — After steaming around the North Atlantic for the better part of a week, sources confirmed that the Coast Guard Cutter Hamilton had inadvertently traveled several miles offshore and is currently lost somewhere in the middle of the ocean. “Hellllooooo! Is anybody out there?” the commanding officer said while nervously standing on […]
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