Ron

Ron is a technical writer and Navy veteran. His background was in intelligence and translation, but now he's paid to write technical manuals that no one reads.

Ron has written 29 article(s).

Military Spouse Gets Chip Bag Stuck On Its Head

by Ron

AUGUSTA, GA — The spouse of a Ft. Gordon soldier is breathing easier after a military police officer removed a Doritos bag from its head. Several witnesses reported to law enforcement officials that they saw the spouse wandering on lawns in base housing with a family-sized Doritos bag over its head and flailing its arms. [...]

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Separating Soldier Dies Rescuing DD-214

by Ron

FAYETTEVILLE, NC — A soldier has died after being struck by a vehicle on Skibo Road, mere minutes after having left the Army, military officials reported. Police said the cause of the accident was the soldier’s attempt at retrieving his DD-214 form, which had blown out of his car and into traffic. Specialist David Willis, [...]

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In Wake of Sex Scandals, Air Force Dismantles Fleet Of ‘Pussy Wagon’ Recruiting Vehicles

by Ron

LACKLAND AFB, TX — In an attempt to cut down on sexual assault in its ranks, the Air Force has ordered its recruiters to stop driving their familiar yellow “Pussy Wagon” pickup trucks immediately, Pentagon officials said Friday. The move comes on the heels of a string of high-profile sex scandals, with the most recent [...]

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Shore Sailor Stricken By Navy’s First Case of Scurvy In 150 Years

by Ron

KINGS BAY, GA — A sailor on shore duty has contracted scurvy, military health officials said Sunday. It marks the Navy’s first recorded case of the disease since the Civil War. Last week, Electronics Technician 1st Class Kevin Jurgensen reported to King’s Bay Branch Health Clinic complaining of lethargy, bleeding from his gums, and spots [...]

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Confused O-3 Celebrates Rank By Changing Profile Photo To Red Equal Sign

by Ron

FT. HOOD, TX — A U.S. Army Captain changed his Facebook profile picture to a red equal sign in the mistaken belief it was a set of captain bars, reportedly unaware of the symbol’s association with gay rights, according to his Facebook friends. Captain John Wilkins, a 25-year-old native of Appleton, WI, first became aware [...]

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HISTORIC: First Mother, Son to Attend Infantry School Together

by Ron

FT. BENNING, GA – Like most of his peers, Private Jack Jerrelsen has been sternly reprimanded for his shortcomings during Infantry training. Stand up straight. What are you doing coming out here with your uniform wrinkly like that? You call that making your bunk? But for the 17-year-old Washington native, the source of those criticisms [...]

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Military To Stop Adding Saltpeter to Chow

by Ron

WASHINGTON, DC – Boot Camp just got a little bit harder. Military officials announced that Basic Training dining facilities will stop adding saltpeter to their meals, as part of sweeping efforts to reduce dangerous substances in troops’ diets. The switch to saltpeter-free food is scheduled for March 1. Saltpeter, or potassium nitrate, is an ionic salt [...]

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Top Drone Pilots Battle At Elite Training School

by Ron

CORONADO, CA – Two months ago, Senior Airman Rod Wilkins was a flyboy without a war. Due to what he describes as “typical military bureaucracy,” his Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) unit at the time remained stateside without any real mission. So Wilkins—who goes by the call sign “Ghostbuster”—spent his days flying UAVs around base, harassing [...]

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