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Author: W.T. DOOR

Born on the crest of a wave, rocked in the cradle of the deep, and I know you didn't have the last real Plebe Summer, because I did. Fry me on Twitter and FB: @WaterTightDoor, WaterTightDoor.
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BETHESDA, Md. — A sailor assigned to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center who recently purchased a Chewbacca suit costing two thousand dollars says he is “sick and tired of living paycheck to paycheck,” sources confirmed today. Although Seaman Peter Barker shared his excitement with friends at buying the “movie quality” version of the suit, […]
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RAQQA, Syria — The self-proclaimed Islamic State has issued a statement condemning self-proclaimed comedian Kathy Griffin, accusing her of “cultural appropriation” after she posed for a photograph with a mock severed head of President Donald Trump. The group, which has been protective of its brand ever since taking over vast swaths of Iraq and Syria […]
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WASHINGTON — President Trump is considering rescinding an executive order temporarily barring people traveling to the United States from seven Muslim-majority countries, after he saw a story highlighting a gorgeous Iranian woman that he “absolutely had to grab,” sources confirmed. According to senior White House sources, the President was watching his favorite shows when he came across a […]
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NEW YORK, NY — President-elect Donald Trump has tapped Ashley Madison to lead Veterans’ Affairs, sources confirmed. “Look, I’ve always felt that nothing shows passion like dedicated service, and who has serviced our veterans more than Ashley? No one, that’s who,” Trump said. While not much is known about Madison outside of military circles, a high-profile […]
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BALTIMORE, MD – According to police reports, Lt. Gerald “Jerry” Melman created a scene at the National Aquarium yesterday upon learning his active-duty military discount was less than his four-year old daughter’s. Eyewitnesses say that Melman, a Cryptologic Warfare Officer at nearby Ft. Meade, began wildly gesturing at the senior citizen volunteer in the ticket booth […]
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