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Author: She-Ra

She-Ra is a Marine Reservist who never looks busy because she did it right the first time.
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OKINAWA, Japan — In the wake of the much heralded success of the new pizza MRE, the Department of Defense has decided to produce a fresh-from-the-sea sushi meal with a shelf-life of three years. The sushi meal will include a California roll packed with Almost Real Crab, rice crackers, sour plums, and tofu cookies. The […]
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DENVER — Sgt. Michael Howell of Denver is being hailed as a hero after rescuing a cougar that had become trapped in a local watering hole. Witnesses reported the cougar had wandered into the bar earlier in the evening but could not seem to get out of the establishment on her own. “She was pacing […]
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WASHINGTON — In a heartbreaking turn of events, the Marine Corps burst into tears yesterday when Army broke the news that Gen. James Mattis is just a story created to inspire the troops, sources confirmed today. “Look, I know you’ve believed in ‘ole Chaos Mattis for years, but you’re old enough to know better — […]
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RAQQA, Syria — The reign of ISIS will soon be at an end, thanks to the latest overwhelming and decisive tactic employed by the US military: An airdrop of hundreds of laptops loaded with 130-slide PowerPoint presentations. “They’re not even password-protected,” said Adm. Michael S. Rogers, commander of US Cyber Command. “We want them to get […]
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