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[Editor's Note: When I'm reading submissions, I'm focused solely on the headline and the writing sample. We do get quite a few submissions, so if you can't gain my attention/make me laugh in the first two paragraphs, I won't keep reading.
Don't let this discourage you. If you are awesome, your story can be on the site the very next day (this has already happened before).
Not trying to be a dick, but I can't offer pointers, emails on how you can improve, etc.
However, if you really have a funny idea, that is awesome and I look forward to reading it.
You have to read the style guide and write in our format. If you don't, we're going to know, and we're not even going to read it. It will save both of us plenty of time. Thank you. —Paul]