Navy

Sailor Runs World Record 1.5 Mile, Fails Pushup Portion of Fitness Test

by NavyFork

navy running

PENSACOLA, FL — A U.S. Navy Sailor who smashed through the world record for the 1.5 mile run Tuesday is being discharged from the military for failing to maintain physical fitness standards, officials said. His run record was one part of a bi-annual fitness exam mandated by the Navy called the Physical Readiness Test (PRT). With [...]

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Navy Officer In Hot Water For Sorority-Like Email Tirade He Sent To Shipmembers

by Jack Mandaville

Navy email

SAN DIEGO, CA – The executive-officer of one of the Navy’s esteemed Wasp class ships, the USS Boxer, has recently come under criticism because of a ranting email he sent off to ship members last month. Cdr. Jerry Dominick, who is currently underway with the ship and its crew, is having to stave off questions from top Navy [...]

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Sailors Tweeting Navy’s $130 Million Version Of Twitter ‘Sux Ballz’

by Ted Heller

Scuttlebutt!

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Thousands of Sailors beta testing the Navy’s new, $130 million attempt at a digitally secure version of Twitter have been tweeting that the app apparently “sux ballz.” Dubbed Scuttlebutt!, the Navy/Marine Corps Intranet’s (NMCI) new site has been receiving non-stop criticism on Twitter from the very Sailors whom the sea service has been hoping to attract since launching its own microblogging application in [...]

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Navy Investigators: No Suspects In Alleged Shipboard Bear Attacks

by Jerry

Eugene Bear USS John C Stennis

USS JOHN C. STENNIS – Navy investigators on supercarrier USS John C. Stennis (CVN-74) have no leads after a string of three gruesome murders onboard the ship, officials report. The first incident occurred nearly five weeks ago, though a media blackout was ordered by the ships commander, Rear Admiral Troy Shoemaker, due to the Stennis’ current [...]

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Aerial Friendly Fire Incident Ends With Medal, Promotion

by Jerry

yolo F-18

CORONADO, CA — U.S. Navy pilot Lt. Nick Reynolds will soon be awarded the Navy Achievement Medal (NAM), after successfully firing a missile on a friendly F-18 fighter jet during live-fire training, officials said. Lt. (Junior grade) Alan Dawkins has been sent to the hospital after narrowly surviving the Mar. 29 attack on his aircraft. [...]

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Navy’s New ‘NJP 365′ Program Targets Random Sailors Before They Commit A Crime

by Ted Heller

sailors man the rails

WASHINGTON, DC – The Navy this week began subjecting randomly-selected Sailors to non-judicial punishment proceedings based on crimes they will likely commit in the future. Dubbed “NJP 365”, the new program is being tested at a handful of stateside sea and shore commands, and is the newest addendum to the sea service’s 21st Century Sailor and Marine Initiative — [...]

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Shore Sailor Stricken By Navy’s First Case of Scurvy In 150 Years

by Ron

navy scurvy sailors

KINGS BAY, GA — A sailor on shore duty has contracted scurvy, military health officials said Sunday. It marks the Navy’s first recorded case of the disease since the Civil War. Last week, Electronics Technician 1st Class Kevin Jurgensen reported to King’s Bay Branch Health Clinic complaining of lethargy, bleeding from his gums, and spots [...]

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Rastafari Chaplain Blazes Through High Mass

by EL COMANDANTE

Rastafarian Chaplain

SAN DIEGO, CA — Amidst a hanging cloud of dank smoke, inside the boatswain locker of the USS Tarawa (LHA-1), U.S. Navy Rastafari Chaplain Commander Winfrey Dalter invoked his bleary-eyed congregation of nearly one hundred sailors and Marines, “not to worry about a thing, because every little thing is going to be alright.” It was [...]

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