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Navy

Pimpatronic 5000 appointed as Navy Vice Admiral of Vice

WASHINGTON — Sir Orgasmotron Electrokisses IV has been appointed the Navy's 56th Vice Admiral of Vice, and was sworn in at a small ceremony today in the Pentagon's pleasure gardens during the new autumn moon amidst a roiling mass of bodies,…

Captain Crunch nominated as Secretary of Scrumptiousness

WASHINGTON — President-elect Donald Trump said Saturday he had chosen retired Navy Cap'n Horatio Magellan Crunch to be secretary of scrumptiousness. “We are going to appoint the Cap'n,” Trump told a small group of reporters outside of his…

Army hoping to end 14-year losing streak

WEST POINT, N.Y. — West Point leaders announced on Saturday they were hoping to finally end the Army's 14-year slump in Iraq and Afghanistan, noting that the nation's largest military service had not decisively defeated its rivals since …

Hot dog-eating contest replaces Army/Navy football game

BALTIMORE, MD — The historic tradition of inter-service rivalry between the Army Black Knights and the Navy Midshipman has been canceled by officials, who decided to change the competition to a hot dog eating contest, a sport that is said…

10 things successful veterans do every day

The strongest veterans are successful after they leave military service. Read on and discover the things you need to do in your DAILY ROUTINE in order to become a SUCCESSFUL VETERAN! 1. Wake Up Whether it's at 6am or 3pm, or in a bed or on…