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Bashar al-Assad

Syria issues travel ban on U.S. missiles

DAMASCUS, SYRIA — Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad ordered the immediate closure of all Syrian airports and airfields to U.S. missiles today, fulfilling a threat he issued after U.S. missile strikes on the country. In a ceremony at the…

Bashar Al-Assad To Receive Nobel Peace Prize

OSLO, NORWAY – Syrian President and all-around great guy Bashar al-Assad will receive the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize, announced Nobel Committee Chairman Thorbjørn Jagland in a press conference today. “Amidst so much crisis and consternation at…

A Visit From Bashar

Twas the day after gassing, when throughout the White House No one’s courage was showing, not as big as a mouse; The Nobel was hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that a second soon would be there; The Syrians were nestled all snug in…