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F-35 Lightning

Congress cuts enlisted pay to fund F-35 stereo system

WASHINGTON — Congress has passed a new law that will cut pay for all enlisted servicemembers by two percent. The money saved will fund a "wicked baller" speaker system for the F-35 Lightning II, according to program managers. "We were…

22 Ways to Be a Modern Military Man

The modern military man has not changed very much since the dawn of warfare. Sure, we have the F-35, ICBMs, and Blue Force Trackers, but men who engage in land warfare are still classically trained warriors who merely use technology as an…

Pentagon Requests 500 Gold-Plated F-35s

THE PENTAGON — The Pentagon released a report today requesting Congressional authorization for 500 gold-plated F-35 fighter planes. The F-35 Lightning II is a fifth-generation multirole stealth fighter intended to replace numerous aging…

Pentagon Regrets Taking Out Payday Loan for F-35

THE PENTAGON — Defense Department Comptroller Mike McCord has expressed regret with the Pentagon's decision to cover the spiraling cost-overruns of the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter with a payday loan, sources have learned. "We had some trouble…