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Tag: James Mattis

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WASHINGTON — In a heartbreaking turn of events, the Marine Corps burst into tears yesterday when Army broke the news that Gen. James Mattis is just a story created to inspire the troops, sources confirmed today. “Look, I know you’ve believed in ‘ole Chaos Mattis for years, but you’re old enough to know better — […]
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WASHINGTON – Lt. Gen. H.R McMaster recently learned that even though he is the president’s national security advisor, he is only authorized to stay in three-star hotels while on official government travel, sources confirmed today. McMaster was particularly irked when he learned some other officials, however, such as retired Gen. James Mattis, the Secretary of Defense, […]
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Retired Marine Gen. James Mattis, President-elect Donald Trump’s pick for defense secretary, attended his Thursday confirmation hearing wearing only a Spartan helmet and boxers emblazoned with the words “Fuck ISIS” on them, sources confirmed. A number of senators on the Armed Services Committee expressed shock after the 66-year-old entered the room shirtless, though some female staffers […]
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