Browsing Tag

Gen. Keith Alexander

The NSA Is Watching You Masturbate Right Now

YOUR HOME — You are among the millions currently being watched by intelligence analysts at the National Security Agency as you masturbate alone in your room, sources confirmed today. Documents leaked by ex-NSA contractor Edward Snowden…

NSA Intercepted Children’s Letters To Santa

FORT MEADE, MD – The National Security Agency routinely intercepts children's letters to Santa, internal agency documents have revealed. The documents describe an operation known as MILK COOKIES, based out of Fort Meade and run in…

‘Teenagers Are Sexting Less’ Complains NSA

FORT MEADE, MD — The National Security Agency reported a dramatic drop in teen sexting between 2012 and 2013 , with potentially disastrous national security implications. Gen. Keith Alexander, Director of the NSA, told members of the Senate…

To Avoid Further Leaks, NSA Bans Intelligence

FORT MEADE, MD – Amid growing public controversy and a slew of high-profile leaks, the National Security Agency announced Monday plans to bring an end to all of its intelligence functions and operations. “You guys win,” a haggard NSA…