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Tag: navy

WASHINGTON — In a heartbreaking turn of events, the Marine Corps burst into tears yesterday when Army broke the news that Gen. James Mattis is just a story created to inspire the troops, sources confirmed today. “Look, I know you’ve believed in ‘ole Chaos Mattis for years, but you’re old enough to know better — […]
HOUSTON — As if the city of Houston hasn’t seen enough tragedy due to catastrophic flooding from Hurricane Harvey, things took a turn for the worse today after a U.S. Navy ship collided with a building in the downtown area. The ship was identified as an Arleigh Burke-class destroyer belonging to the Navy’s 7th Fleet. […]
NORFOLK, Va. — In what would be a stunning break from over two centuries of Naval tradition, the U.S. Navy has revealed it is currently weighing the idea of “giving up the ship, just for like, a minute, just to see how it feels,” sources confirmed today. The Navy hasn’t seriously considered giving up the ship since […]
RICHMOND, Va. — Nearly 20 years after being wrongly convicted for rape and murder, the “Norfolk 4” are celebrating their newly issued pardons, and more importantly — their newly approved leave requests, sources confirmed today. In a widely-praised decision from Democratic Gov. Terry McAuliffe, the four sailors are now free men — except in the eyes […]
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