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National Security Agency

Nation shocked to learn top spy agency spies on people

WASHINGTON — The nation is in a panic after discovering that the Central Intelligence Agency — also known as the "CIA" according to recently-declassified documents — may be spying on people around the world. The revelation comes alongside a…

NSA Launches ‘Revenge Porn Site’

FORT MEADE, Md. — With the declassification of nearly all of the National Security Agency’s metadata following the expiration of the Patriot Act, the government agency announced today that they had released all the data on a new website,…

NSA Hails Apple’s New iPhone 6 And Smartwatch

FORT MEADE, Md. — On the heels of Apple's Tuesday product launch for the iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, and a new smart watch, drooling NSA officials clamored to convey widespread enthusiasm and support for the company's "tantalizing" next…

CIA Admits: Edward Snowden Was Top Assassin

LANGLEY, Va. — In response to Edward Snowden's assertion that he was a spy for the U.S. government, the CIA has not only confirmed it, but added that Snowden was one of their top assassins. CIA Director John Brennan made the revelation as…

NSA Director Can’t Stop Wife From Reading His E-Mails

FORT MEADE, Md. — Just days after assuming his new post as Director of the National Security Agency, Central Security Service and U.S. Cyber Command, Adm. Mike Rogers was overheard complaining about massive privacy violations, as he's been…

The NSA Is Watching You Masturbate Right Now

YOUR HOME — You are among the millions currently being watched by intelligence analysts at the National Security Agency as you masturbate alone in your room, sources confirmed today. Documents leaked by ex-NSA contractor Edward Snowden…

NSA Intercepted Children’s Letters To Santa

FORT MEADE, MD – The National Security Agency routinely intercepts children's letters to Santa, internal agency documents have revealed. The documents describe an operation known as MILK COOKIES, based out of Fort Meade and run in…